Usually when it is the end of the year, I am in high spirits, full of expectations for what the new year will bring. But this time around, I am pensive. Maybe, I am at a point where I no longer want some things in my life to be the way they have been. And, I am somewhat afraid that things are NOT going to be any different. That, I think, is one of the saddest things in life: when you can't -- for one reason or another -- change some circumstances that you would like changed.
I am at that point. Looking over at 2010 thinking that it would be no different from 2009. I wish I could herald in 2010 more optimistically and more cheerfully. But, I can't. Maybe, I don't have enough faith to believe for the change I want.
And, perhaps, 2010 is going to be a test of whether I find the faith to move mountains. Having articulated it, I guess, that is the solution to my current problem -- faith. If the issue is faith, there really is no point in me ruminating and going around in circles -- like the first generation of Jews who wandered about in the desert for 40 years during Moses' time before they crossed into the promised land because they did not have the faith to obey God. In actual fact, they could have crossed over in less than a week (according to some Bible commentaries)!
So, I think I am simply going to write out a prayer in this blog: Dear Lord, give me the faith to believe what I can't believe and may you bring it to pass from the beginning of 2010. I pray the same for those who feel the same way. In the Name of Jesus Christ, I pray.
If our Lord answers this prayer, you can be sure I will write about it!
For those of you who haven't the faintest idea what I am talking about, don't worry! Just look forward to 2010 and be resolved in your hearts that you are going to make things happen which you will be happy about!
Wishing you the best in 2010!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Followers, Please Unmask Yourselves!
It has been more than a month since I have updated this blog and I see that I have collected another follower -- James! How nice! But, followers, can you please reveal your identities? I only know who is Brother Bear but I don't know the rest because you don't use your own pictures. C'mon, surely you are not afraid to let people see how you look? Do show youselves or leave a comment to indicate that you are one of my followers!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Employers and Robbers!
Thank you all for your comments. My apologies for not writing earlier. I have been busy with work and things happen which are all part of life but because work takes so much of my time and energies, I am left with no time to do all the things I want to do! And I put the blame entirely on exploitative employers!
Have you noticed how hard we Malaysians work? Especially we Klang Valley folks. I think we must be the most hardworking people in the world -- and the most boring! We work, work, work and work to earn a living and don't do much of anything else! Leisure is a luxury. When we do find some time, we shop until we drop! We have hobbies but have little time to take them up seriously. We want to read but are always rushing from one place to another and are too unsettled to sit quietly in our favourite places with a book. Infact, I suspect, many don't even read the papers!
When we go out with friends, it is not to socialize but to destress -- thanks to the long and hard hours we put into our work! What have we turned into? Like the KitKat ad, we have become working machines, and become so good at it, that most of the time we are on auto pilot and don't even notice it! Until we crash. And then it is too late. And there's no point in blaming anyone because the damage would have been done.
But, really, someone must take the blame for robbing us of a better quality of life. And that "someone" is no other than THE EMPLOYER!
Employers who squeeze you of the last breath of energy "to make you work for your pay" should be sent back to the Dark Ages! They give baby carrots as bait and make you work your pants off for them! And, we have no choice but to literally kill ourselves to earn a living because that's what work will do to us. But, does the employer care? Of course, not! He has his agenda and everything must fit into that and, if in the process it takes its toll on the workers -- too bad! Take it or leave it!
But, of course, we can't leave it because we need a job! So, we stomach the crap and day by day become lesser of a human being
Why can't our employers be a bit more humane? Create an environment where we work within the standard hours and go home to family, leisure, hobbies, reading -- life. It would recharge us and make us better workers and better people. And, employers will find that easing on the pace of work will eventually result in more productive workers and a better quality of product and services.
If only people are not so driven that it blinds them from seeing the damage they are causing!
Have you noticed how hard we Malaysians work? Especially we Klang Valley folks. I think we must be the most hardworking people in the world -- and the most boring! We work, work, work and work to earn a living and don't do much of anything else! Leisure is a luxury. When we do find some time, we shop until we drop! We have hobbies but have little time to take them up seriously. We want to read but are always rushing from one place to another and are too unsettled to sit quietly in our favourite places with a book. Infact, I suspect, many don't even read the papers!
When we go out with friends, it is not to socialize but to destress -- thanks to the long and hard hours we put into our work! What have we turned into? Like the KitKat ad, we have become working machines, and become so good at it, that most of the time we are on auto pilot and don't even notice it! Until we crash. And then it is too late. And there's no point in blaming anyone because the damage would have been done.
But, really, someone must take the blame for robbing us of a better quality of life. And that "someone" is no other than THE EMPLOYER!
Employers who squeeze you of the last breath of energy "to make you work for your pay" should be sent back to the Dark Ages! They give baby carrots as bait and make you work your pants off for them! And, we have no choice but to literally kill ourselves to earn a living because that's what work will do to us. But, does the employer care? Of course, not! He has his agenda and everything must fit into that and, if in the process it takes its toll on the workers -- too bad! Take it or leave it!
But, of course, we can't leave it because we need a job! So, we stomach the crap and day by day become lesser of a human being
Why can't our employers be a bit more humane? Create an environment where we work within the standard hours and go home to family, leisure, hobbies, reading -- life. It would recharge us and make us better workers and better people. And, employers will find that easing on the pace of work will eventually result in more productive workers and a better quality of product and services.
If only people are not so driven that it blinds them from seeing the damage they are causing!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The Obscene Sin
I have been meaning to write on this for some time but being rushed I missed the facts and procrastinated. But, I now have the facts in hand and want to say something about this issue which I just can't accept.
Have you read recent reports on what CEOs in Malaysia earn? Well, I am sure CEOs in other countries earn perhaps more, but, within the Malaysian context, I think, they earn too much which is disproportionate to what work they do!
Let me give you some figures: The CEO of Genting, Tan Sri Lim Kok Thay earned about RM7.2 million per month or RM 86.5 million in 2007. The CEO of Bumiputra-Commerce Holdings (CIMB), Datuk Nazir Razak, had a disclosed earnings of RM9.35 million.
Other highly paid CEOs and top executives in Malaysia include Teh Ah Lek (Public Bank – RM6.2 million), Rozali Ismail (Puncak Niaga – RM5.2 million), Ralph Marshall (Astro – RM3.4 million), Amirsham Abdul Aziz (Maybank – RM2.7 million), Ahamad Zubir Murshid (Sime Darby – RM2 million), Yusli Mohamed (Bursa Malaysia – RM1.97 million) and Lodin Wok Kamaruddin (Bousted Holdings – RM1.85 million). (These facts were taken from the SKORCAREER website.)
Now I know why Malaysia has such a high per capita income! According to the United Nation's Development Programme's Human Development Index (HDI), Malaysia's GDP per capita in 2007 was US$ 13,518 (RM 46,495). We are placed in the upper income developing nation category. Now, how many of us earn that much?
I am quite sure that our per capita income is inflated because of what a few CEOs earn! I think it is too great a divide between the haves and the have-nots when CEOs earn this much and yet there are people in this country who take home a salary of less than RM 1000! And, I don't think those in the lower income brackets form a minority. I think they are in the majority.
The top income earners are definitely the exclusive minority but they are the ones who are doing all the spending because the rest of us don't have that kind of money to spend!
It is no wonder that the thriving markets are those which sell high-end goods because only the exclusive few have the funds to buy them. The rest of us can't spend. Do you see the supermarkets full like they used to be in the 1990s? Do you see the pasar malams bustling with surging crowds? Do you see RM 100,000 properties? All the properties you see in the ads are RM1 milllion and above!
What bothers me most is not that CEOs earn such exorbitant salaries. If it were their own businesses where they invested their own money and resources, I think it is fair that they earn whatever dividends they get. But, if you are a GLC which is partly financed by public funds, then, I don't think its CEO should earn that much -- because the peons who work in the same organisation may be getting pittance in comparison!
What is truly obscenely sinful -- ya, sinful -- is when you are the chief of an organisation which is funded by members and you earn an outrageously high salary in comparison to the lowest rung of workers in the same organisation -- without the approval of your members.
That is totally unacceptable! Yet, such organisations exist. They do not have a proper remuneration scheme nor a retirement scheme which implies their staff can work indefinitely at their current salaries!
Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong in the above if that is what the members want. But, in some of these organisations, the members are in the dark. They have no idea how their leaders got to earn that much!
And, what is really bothersome and worrying is that the leaders see nothing wrong in what they earn. I just can't believe that! Whether you are a GLC or a voluntary organisation or a non-government organisation where the finances are coming from a public source, you are accountable to the people who provide you with the funds. They need to know what you are earning and why. Infact, they need to know everything that is being done with the money they are giving. Nothing should be hidden. Everything should be revealed.
Where such high salaries are concerned, I, personally, feel that the leaders should subject themselves to at least a 30% cut in salaries, and their organisations should come up with a proper remuneration package and retirement plan which should be presented to the AGMs for discussion, amendments and approval by the members.
If the members approve, there's nothing anybody else can say. Until then, the integrity of the leaders earning such high salaries will always be suspect.
Have you read recent reports on what CEOs in Malaysia earn? Well, I am sure CEOs in other countries earn perhaps more, but, within the Malaysian context, I think, they earn too much which is disproportionate to what work they do!
Let me give you some figures: The CEO of Genting, Tan Sri Lim Kok Thay earned about RM7.2 million per month or RM 86.5 million in 2007. The CEO of Bumiputra-Commerce Holdings (CIMB), Datuk Nazir Razak, had a disclosed earnings of RM9.35 million.
Other highly paid CEOs and top executives in Malaysia include Teh Ah Lek (Public Bank – RM6.2 million), Rozali Ismail (Puncak Niaga – RM5.2 million), Ralph Marshall (Astro – RM3.4 million), Amirsham Abdul Aziz (Maybank – RM2.7 million), Ahamad Zubir Murshid (Sime Darby – RM2 million), Yusli Mohamed (Bursa Malaysia – RM1.97 million) and Lodin Wok Kamaruddin (Bousted Holdings – RM1.85 million). (These facts were taken from the SKORCAREER website.)
Now I know why Malaysia has such a high per capita income! According to the United Nation's Development Programme's Human Development Index (HDI), Malaysia's GDP per capita in 2007 was US$ 13,518 (RM 46,495). We are placed in the upper income developing nation category. Now, how many of us earn that much?
I am quite sure that our per capita income is inflated because of what a few CEOs earn! I think it is too great a divide between the haves and the have-nots when CEOs earn this much and yet there are people in this country who take home a salary of less than RM 1000! And, I don't think those in the lower income brackets form a minority. I think they are in the majority.
The top income earners are definitely the exclusive minority but they are the ones who are doing all the spending because the rest of us don't have that kind of money to spend!
It is no wonder that the thriving markets are those which sell high-end goods because only the exclusive few have the funds to buy them. The rest of us can't spend. Do you see the supermarkets full like they used to be in the 1990s? Do you see the pasar malams bustling with surging crowds? Do you see RM 100,000 properties? All the properties you see in the ads are RM1 milllion and above!
What bothers me most is not that CEOs earn such exorbitant salaries. If it were their own businesses where they invested their own money and resources, I think it is fair that they earn whatever dividends they get. But, if you are a GLC which is partly financed by public funds, then, I don't think its CEO should earn that much -- because the peons who work in the same organisation may be getting pittance in comparison!
What is truly obscenely sinful -- ya, sinful -- is when you are the chief of an organisation which is funded by members and you earn an outrageously high salary in comparison to the lowest rung of workers in the same organisation -- without the approval of your members.
That is totally unacceptable! Yet, such organisations exist. They do not have a proper remuneration scheme nor a retirement scheme which implies their staff can work indefinitely at their current salaries!
Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong in the above if that is what the members want. But, in some of these organisations, the members are in the dark. They have no idea how their leaders got to earn that much!
And, what is really bothersome and worrying is that the leaders see nothing wrong in what they earn. I just can't believe that! Whether you are a GLC or a voluntary organisation or a non-government organisation where the finances are coming from a public source, you are accountable to the people who provide you with the funds. They need to know what you are earning and why. Infact, they need to know everything that is being done with the money they are giving. Nothing should be hidden. Everything should be revealed.
Where such high salaries are concerned, I, personally, feel that the leaders should subject themselves to at least a 30% cut in salaries, and their organisations should come up with a proper remuneration package and retirement plan which should be presented to the AGMs for discussion, amendments and approval by the members.
If the members approve, there's nothing anybody else can say. Until then, the integrity of the leaders earning such high salaries will always be suspect.
Leaders in Crisis
That best sums up what is happening in the MCA! But, I don't think it is a problem specific to the Malaysian Chinese Association, which is a partner in the ruling Barisan Nasional government. It is a problem with nearly all the political organisations, or, maybe, even with all established organisations!
The issue isn't a leadership crisis -- that would imply that leaders are scarce. The issue is that the existing leaders are in a crisis, meaning something is wrong with their leadership or leadership styles or their personalities and their followers want them to take stock. Existing leaders need to take a good look at themselves to see if they are fit to lead or serve, whether they have overstayed their leadership, whether they can see the errors they are making, whether it is time to step down and move on and, more pertinently, whether their followers want them to lead them.
And they need to have the courage to stand down if their time is up -- as it should have been with the MIC, the Malaysian Indian Congress. Because the leaders didn't make way for a new crop of leaders, see what has happened to the MIC -- it has become a dead duck.
In MCA's case, the delegates have sent a clear message: They have rejected the existing status quo. The alternative is plain for all to see: Have fresh elections to elect the leaders the members want.
The MCA political gamers took a huge risk in going for an EGM. They lost and their own political futures are at risk. But, you have to give them credit for going to their members to find out what the latter really wanted. That, indeed, is democracy at work -- even if politically manipulated. A leadership without the support of the people it wants to lead is really a dictatorship.
The issue isn't a leadership crisis -- that would imply that leaders are scarce. The issue is that the existing leaders are in a crisis, meaning something is wrong with their leadership or leadership styles or their personalities and their followers want them to take stock. Existing leaders need to take a good look at themselves to see if they are fit to lead or serve, whether they have overstayed their leadership, whether they can see the errors they are making, whether it is time to step down and move on and, more pertinently, whether their followers want them to lead them.
And they need to have the courage to stand down if their time is up -- as it should have been with the MIC, the Malaysian Indian Congress. Because the leaders didn't make way for a new crop of leaders, see what has happened to the MIC -- it has become a dead duck.
In MCA's case, the delegates have sent a clear message: They have rejected the existing status quo. The alternative is plain for all to see: Have fresh elections to elect the leaders the members want.
The MCA political gamers took a huge risk in going for an EGM. They lost and their own political futures are at risk. But, you have to give them credit for going to their members to find out what the latter really wanted. That, indeed, is democracy at work -- even if politically manipulated. A leadership without the support of the people it wants to lead is really a dictatorship.
Byteful!
Next Monday, the new semester begins and I will be back to the grind -- with the hectic schedule and all! So, it is going to be difficult to update on a weekly basis, but I will try to post something fortnightly. I hope that won't disappoint you who visit this blog. Meanwhile, today, I am going to give you my insights in small doses!
I can't get my updated editor post to appear so I have to write my "doses" as individual posts -- short, but they'll be sweet!
I can't get my updated editor post to appear so I have to write my "doses" as individual posts -- short, but they'll be sweet!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Spectre Over A. Kugan Rises Again
No one made any hooha about it but it is, indeed,odd that only one policeman -- and that an Indian -- is being charged for A. Kugan's death under police custody. It is common knowledge that when a suspect is taken under police custory, more than one policeman attend to him to "get" information. But in A. Kugan's case, only one policeman is being disciplined. Now, why is that?
It looks a bit fishy. Something is not right here. How many policemen were involved in the "handling" of A. Kugan? It might have been that only one man actuallly "handled" him but who gave the approval? And, did any of his superiors urge him to increase the severity of the "handling"? These are questions that need to be answered to show that more than one policeman must be held responsible for A. Kugan's death under custody.
But, why is such information not forthcoming? Without these answers, it would appear that the sole Indian policeman has been set up to take the fall for his colleagues and superiors who do not have his courage.
The public has the right to know the true circumstances that lead to A. Kugan's death and the policemen who actually "handled" him and the policemen who approved the "handling" and who may have approved the increase of the severity of the "handling" must all be held responsible and charged.
If they are not, questions will always remain in the public's mind as to the sincerity and willingness of the authorities to ensure justice for the oppressed. As long as such questions remain unanswered, unstinting support for the BN government will remain questionable.
From the way the BN has been handling Indian issues, my prediction is that the BN government will never ever get the block Indian vote -- not until it is seen as ensuring justice to the oppressed, Indians included.
It looks a bit fishy. Something is not right here. How many policemen were involved in the "handling" of A. Kugan? It might have been that only one man actuallly "handled" him but who gave the approval? And, did any of his superiors urge him to increase the severity of the "handling"? These are questions that need to be answered to show that more than one policeman must be held responsible for A. Kugan's death under custody.
But, why is such information not forthcoming? Without these answers, it would appear that the sole Indian policeman has been set up to take the fall for his colleagues and superiors who do not have his courage.
The public has the right to know the true circumstances that lead to A. Kugan's death and the policemen who actually "handled" him and the policemen who approved the "handling" and who may have approved the increase of the severity of the "handling" must all be held responsible and charged.
If they are not, questions will always remain in the public's mind as to the sincerity and willingness of the authorities to ensure justice for the oppressed. As long as such questions remain unanswered, unstinting support for the BN government will remain questionable.
From the way the BN has been handling Indian issues, my prediction is that the BN government will never ever get the block Indian vote -- not until it is seen as ensuring justice to the oppressed, Indians included.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Speak and hold your Ground!
Bernard and Day Dreamer, I like both your comments. They show that you are both thinking about your place in this country. That is really encouraging to know.
You know, despite all that is happening around us, there is great good in this country. We live a decent life here, albeit with a lot of sacrifices and stomaching of inequalities. And the prospect of a future society built out of multi-culturalism is extremely attractive -- if we lay the foundations for it now.
That is why I feel the solution to these problems is not to pack up and leave for better pastures. Yes, migration is an option, but, I think, it should only be a choice after we have given our all to make this country our home.
What we should do is to fight for our rights to make Malaysia a better place to live for all. By "fight", I don't mean take up arms or take to the streets in anarchic protests. I mean we should make our politicians work for us. We should first and foremost express ourselves and make ourselves be heard whether in the classroom, the media or the electoral process.
For example, when a lecturer introduces a topic like "1Malaysia" and asks for opinions, students should speak up like Joshua Phua. But, learn to speak your mind logically and without intent to hurt or offend. Speak up and say your piece but say it intelligently, clearly - backed with good points - confidently, and respectfully -- always respectfully because it is important to let the other person know that although your views may differ from his or hers, you will still respect him or her as a person.
On any issue, if you feel strongly about it, let it be known -- in the newspapers, to your elected representatives but let them be known.
Then, participate in the electoral process. If our leaders are not adequately representing us, throw them out and give new ones the chance to lead.
Change can happen only when a majority of the people are willing to make a stand for what they believe in and hold their ground -- as it happened in the March 8 election.
If we want a stake in this country, we must also be willing to give and take. Integrating as a society would mean that some of the things we want need to be given up for the greater good. As an example, we may need to give up on vernacular education and pool those resources to raise the standard of national schools so that all Malaysians -- not just some -- get a sound education.
We must be willing to do such things, then, I think we would have earned the right to be truly Malaysian.
I hope more people will express their thoughts on this subject.
You know, despite all that is happening around us, there is great good in this country. We live a decent life here, albeit with a lot of sacrifices and stomaching of inequalities. And the prospect of a future society built out of multi-culturalism is extremely attractive -- if we lay the foundations for it now.
That is why I feel the solution to these problems is not to pack up and leave for better pastures. Yes, migration is an option, but, I think, it should only be a choice after we have given our all to make this country our home.
What we should do is to fight for our rights to make Malaysia a better place to live for all. By "fight", I don't mean take up arms or take to the streets in anarchic protests. I mean we should make our politicians work for us. We should first and foremost express ourselves and make ourselves be heard whether in the classroom, the media or the electoral process.
For example, when a lecturer introduces a topic like "1Malaysia" and asks for opinions, students should speak up like Joshua Phua. But, learn to speak your mind logically and without intent to hurt or offend. Speak up and say your piece but say it intelligently, clearly - backed with good points - confidently, and respectfully -- always respectfully because it is important to let the other person know that although your views may differ from his or hers, you will still respect him or her as a person.
On any issue, if you feel strongly about it, let it be known -- in the newspapers, to your elected representatives but let them be known.
Then, participate in the electoral process. If our leaders are not adequately representing us, throw them out and give new ones the chance to lead.
Change can happen only when a majority of the people are willing to make a stand for what they believe in and hold their ground -- as it happened in the March 8 election.
If we want a stake in this country, we must also be willing to give and take. Integrating as a society would mean that some of the things we want need to be given up for the greater good. As an example, we may need to give up on vernacular education and pool those resources to raise the standard of national schools so that all Malaysians -- not just some -- get a sound education.
We must be willing to do such things, then, I think we would have earned the right to be truly Malaysian.
I hope more people will express their thoughts on this subject.
Friday, September 4, 2009
1Malaysia Rings Hollow
I have been hearing the phrase 1Malaysia bandied about for quite a while, and, frankly, to me, it rings hollow. It does not reflect reality; in fact it exposes everything that is wanting in Malaysian unity. The most basic definition we can give to 1Malaysia is racial integration, but, tell me, how on earth are we to achieve it when every institution in the country is associated by race and by that very characteristic diametricallly opposed to the concept of racial integration?
The Police is Malay-dominated, the armed forces is Malay-dominated, the judiciary is Malay-dominated, civil government is Malay-dominated, the petrol industry is Malay-dominated, the commercial sector is Chinese-dominated. The plantation sector used to be over-run by Indians but now it is taken over by foreigners.
Education, the one place where integration can take place, is also run by divide and rule. Public education veers in favour of Malay priorities; private education is led by the Chinese who pour millions of Ringgit Malaysia into their extremely well-supported and developed Chinese schools and additional millions in ancillary services to give their children the competitive edge in nearly every aspect of life. In addition, private colleges and university colleges are nearly all owned by the Chinese and run for the ultimate purpose of profit.
Divide and rule -- that has been BN polictics since Merdeka. For a semblance of peace, and to stay in power to spearhead Malay interests, UMNO carved out the nation, apportioning a few areas to its BN partners and entrenched the rule of divide and conquer into the fabric of Malaysian life.
No where is this more obvious than in the media. The New Straits Times is owned by UMNO, the STAR is owned by the MCA and now nearly all the Malay papers are also owned by UMNO or companies linked to it. The leading Chinese newspaper, Sin Chew Jit Poh, is MCA-owned. Nearly all the broadcast stations are owned by UMNO or companies linked to it. All present the government line because if they didn't they will lose the licence to operate.
Against this scenario, what place does 1Malaysia have? It is just a PR gimmick, at best, a slim hope that Malaysians will strive for oneness against the surging tide of partisan politics. But, seriously, when the country is racked by divisive rule and institutions identified by race, where do we start to integrate? People -- without being told -- have always tried to integrate where possible. But, when at every turn you come up against race-based politics that has smeared every aspect of Malaysian life, how do you integrate?
UMNO's rule has brought this nation to the current state of volatile and unmoored politics -- a politics that every thinking individual regards with utter contempt. Yet, changes have been resisted, and superficial where they were implemented.
I think we must forget 1Malaysia and Vision 2020 and all those PR pieces at supposedly unifying the people. Instead, we should put our heads together and come up with well thought of and executed policies that will eventually -- hopefully in the near future -- lead to integration and a win-win situation for all.
I, personally, feel there are only two things to do to get on the track of real integration. Firstly, make it illegal for political parties to own companies. Secondly, revamp the entire education system so that Bahasa Malaysia is the medium of education for all. But at the same time, set in place very strong English learning and pupils own languages programmes from the kindergarten level. If the latter programmes are well implemented, our children will become bi- and tri-lingual and, I believe, will be able to compete with each other irrespective of race. And, they will learn to grow and live together.
If only we have the will to do what is good and right........ !
The Police is Malay-dominated, the armed forces is Malay-dominated, the judiciary is Malay-dominated, civil government is Malay-dominated, the petrol industry is Malay-dominated, the commercial sector is Chinese-dominated. The plantation sector used to be over-run by Indians but now it is taken over by foreigners.
Education, the one place where integration can take place, is also run by divide and rule. Public education veers in favour of Malay priorities; private education is led by the Chinese who pour millions of Ringgit Malaysia into their extremely well-supported and developed Chinese schools and additional millions in ancillary services to give their children the competitive edge in nearly every aspect of life. In addition, private colleges and university colleges are nearly all owned by the Chinese and run for the ultimate purpose of profit.
Divide and rule -- that has been BN polictics since Merdeka. For a semblance of peace, and to stay in power to spearhead Malay interests, UMNO carved out the nation, apportioning a few areas to its BN partners and entrenched the rule of divide and conquer into the fabric of Malaysian life.
No where is this more obvious than in the media. The New Straits Times is owned by UMNO, the STAR is owned by the MCA and now nearly all the Malay papers are also owned by UMNO or companies linked to it. The leading Chinese newspaper, Sin Chew Jit Poh, is MCA-owned. Nearly all the broadcast stations are owned by UMNO or companies linked to it. All present the government line because if they didn't they will lose the licence to operate.
Against this scenario, what place does 1Malaysia have? It is just a PR gimmick, at best, a slim hope that Malaysians will strive for oneness against the surging tide of partisan politics. But, seriously, when the country is racked by divisive rule and institutions identified by race, where do we start to integrate? People -- without being told -- have always tried to integrate where possible. But, when at every turn you come up against race-based politics that has smeared every aspect of Malaysian life, how do you integrate?
UMNO's rule has brought this nation to the current state of volatile and unmoored politics -- a politics that every thinking individual regards with utter contempt. Yet, changes have been resisted, and superficial where they were implemented.
I think we must forget 1Malaysia and Vision 2020 and all those PR pieces at supposedly unifying the people. Instead, we should put our heads together and come up with well thought of and executed policies that will eventually -- hopefully in the near future -- lead to integration and a win-win situation for all.
I, personally, feel there are only two things to do to get on the track of real integration. Firstly, make it illegal for political parties to own companies. Secondly, revamp the entire education system so that Bahasa Malaysia is the medium of education for all. But at the same time, set in place very strong English learning and pupils own languages programmes from the kindergarten level. If the latter programmes are well implemented, our children will become bi- and tri-lingual and, I believe, will be able to compete with each other irrespective of race. And, they will learn to grow and live together.
If only we have the will to do what is good and right........ !
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
In Memory/A Piece of Missing History
My father was some sort of a local hero. Dominic John Pereira aka DJ Pereira was the Chief Clerk of the Socfin estate in Slim River, Perak. He was one of the very select few locals who held that post in the British-owned company. He reported only to the white manager who reported to the headquarters in Damansara, Kuala Lumpur and was overseer for four divisions and hundreds of local staff. He was very influential because he could help get jobs for people.
But, that was not the only reason why he was well-known. He stood up for what he believed in -- even at the risk of personal injury. When I was little, my brothers often talked about some of his exploits. Two stories stayed in my mind -- both happened during the end of the Japanese Occupation of the then Malaya (now, Malaysia). In one instance, he was asked by some Japanese for petrol for their bus which had stalled. My father had hidden petrol and, of course, the Japanese knew that and asked him for it. He showed them all he had, but, they insisted that he had hid more. Finally, he said, "I've shown you everything I have and I don't have anything more. So, if you want to shoot me, you can!" But, for some reason, they didn't!
Some time later, an arrogant young Japanese assistant manager had an exchange of words with him. My father did not understand Japanese and didn't know what he was saying. Finally, the young Japanese called him out from his office and, in front of all of my father's subordinates, slapped him. My father, who is no pushover, turned around and gave him a resounding blow that sent the young man rolling on the ground. The latter picked himself up, drew his sword to strike my dad but was stopped by the other men.
Serious charges were levelled against my father and meetings were held between the Japanese side and my father's side. He was finally exonerated and, I am glad for that because if he had been killed I wouldn't have been born!
I never realised how much he was respected until he died. When he died, the route the hearse took from my house to church where the funeral service was held was lined with people all along the way. I was very little then, but that was one detail of the few things I remembered of my father. Another thing I remembered was the walks I had with him. He was retired and old by then, and every evening, if it didn't rain, he would take me on a long walk, usually to the town centre of Teluk Anson (now Teluk Intan) and back. Often, he would stop at a mee stall and we would have mee soup together!
At the time we went walking, the mee soup stall would be closed. But, if my father stopped by, the mee soup man would not hesitate to take things from the stored away stuff to make a bowl of soup for him and his only daughter! And, my father would always leave a lot of change on the table.
My father was a man's man. My brothers adored him. I mean he would race with his five sons on the beach when we went to Port Dickson for holidays. I didn't know him as well as my brothers. My brothers were born in the passion of youth and, perhaps, my father could relate to that. I was born when all the passion and the excitement of the early stages of marriage were spent and my parents had gotten all the fighting out of the way! Then, they got lovey dovey again and in the mellow warmth and understanding of their latter years I was born -- after my mother had prayed for six years for a daughter!
My father gave my family a distinctive history but it disintegrated after he died. What followed then was a dark blotch from which some of us barely scraped through; a few never recovered. Suffice to say that my mother, in the true vein of the Catholic faithful, "carried her cross -- or rather -- crosses" faithfully. She bore up courageously and, despite the circumstances, I never once saw her crumble. Instead, she found the grace to smile and carry on.
I was closer to my mum -- close enought to be constantly at odds with her! She was always tightening the knots of her apron strings and I was always untieing them! In exasperation, she would exclaim: "From the age of 10, you have been fighting for your freedom!" I never took my mum as seriously as I should have -- not, until she died.
It was my last semester at the University of Wisconsin, Madison where I was studying for my degree in journalism. Brother Number Four flew up, saying he wanted to attend my graduation, and after my final exam, a day before graduation, dropped the bombshell that mother had passed away. Graduation took on a different meaning after that. I never cared about how I looked which bothered the heck out of my mother. It was important to her that I looked good to reflect her status as a wife of a former local somebody. I didn't care. So, for graduation I was going to dress up in a simple batik kaftan and walk to campus in sneakers which the kaftan would have hidden!
Instead, I went shopping and bought myself a pair of fancy heels in a size that constricted my feet (because there was no size to fit my feet) and I pulled out a nice sari I had never won. Dressed in these, and with my brother, I made the long walk to the campus graduation grounds tottering in feet-pinching shoes! Just so that I would have pictures to show home that the daughter of the local somebody had achieved something and looked good and that her mother had done well by her.
I started to dress better after my mother died. She would have been pleased by it.
Graduation was bitter sweet. But, I was glad for my American classmates with whom I sat. They knew what I was going through and said nothing but included me. Among us, we shared a bottle of wine sitting in the stands. It was good company. It was followed by a party which my good friends, Ellen and Chuck Broughton held for me. All my American friends attended. It was a distracted but comforting time. I have always been glad that at the time of my mother's passing I kept good company. She would have been pleased to know it.
Of all my brothers, I was closest to Brother Number Four. Stellachen -- Stellas was his name and the "chen" is from "achachen" which is the Malayalee term for elder brother, and hence, for short, Stellachen -- was always looking out for me. My mother used to say that when my brothers returned from school all except my fourth brother will throw their bags on the floor somewhere and race to the lunch table. My fourth brother, however, would place his bag by the cot where I lay and play with me first before he had his lunch. He was protective of me and would vet all my prospective proposals and boyfriends and tell me which one drank too much!
I know my fourth brother loved me. But, there is no one whom he loved more than his daughter, Joanne Naomi Pereira aka Lolly! Lolly was the apple of his eye! She could do no wrong! She was the youngest of his three children and the only girl. Lolly would get into fights with her brothers and if they complained, it would fall on deaf ears! Infact, they would be disciplined but she would get off the hook! If anyone said that was unfair, my brother would reply, "She is a girl, lah!"
He taught his sons never to hit her, and so, any girl -- no matter how much she incensed them!
I can still remember how patient he was with her and how he made himself approachable to her. He was her greatest toy. Lolly would find some part of him to play with. He would be sitting in his favourite chair and reading papers while she would be humming around him doing her masak-masak (play cooking) on his arms and legs. Then, she would go around to his head and tie up his hair in a pony tail on the top of his head. Maybe he was aware and maybe he wasn't but he seemed oblivious to the fact that his daughter was making him into a spectacle and that it was very, very comical!
When she was hardly four and her brothers were out playing with their friends, Lolly would walk restlessly around the house wanting someone to play with and finding none. Her father would take her out and teach her how to skateboard. He never did that for his sons, but for his daughter -- he would do anything.
"Lolly" was the last name he called out before he died. My brother collapsed from an aneurism in my house, slipped into a coma and never regained consciousness again. More than my parents, I often miss him. Because we spent a lot of time talking. We would be planning this and planning that! My nephew would always comment: "When Acha (father) and Aunty Jet (my pet name) sit to talk, the calculator will come out!" We didn't have money but we made countless plans!
I learnt from him how to make money work for me. It came in very handy when, after he was gone, I had to learn to take care of myself by myself and manage my affairs independently.
It took me a long time to validate my history. My brothers are growing old and time is short. And the younger generation know so little about my side of their history. I want them to know that theirs is a good history. Mistakes were made -- only because we are human. Now, though, we can be magnanimous and forgive and forget because the sum total, bearing down on who we are today, is good.
In the last couple of years, the surviving members of my family have begun to reconcile with themselves and with each other. We are thankful for the people who have gone on before us and the connections they left behind. They have given birth to a second and third generation that -- I am very proud to say -- have found their feet and living their own lives.
We recently held a memorial for the family members who are no longer with us in celebration of who they were, the connections they left behind and the people they influenced. Uploaded are some pictures from the event. My parents' wedding picture, of course, was not taken then! I included it here because it says something of who they were in the generation that has long gone.
In loving memory of my father, DJ Pereira, my mother, Sara Pereira, and my brothers Stellas and Walson Pereira. The latter has been missing since 1983. We wish him well.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wait for Just a Little While More!
Please bear with me. I had a frustating time over the weekend trying to go online with my new Maxis account for broadband service with its very portable USB modem. I could go online but despite trying various ways I couldn't get into my hotmail nor gmail account and so couldn't access my blogger dashboard. And, I am currently very busy and will not be able to sort this out now. By next week I should be well set up to go online and into my blog anytime anywhere with my new laptop! So, articles will be posted from then on.
Sorry, to hear about your grades, Brian. Studying for a degree is not like studying for Foundation subjects. You have to practice all that I tried teaching all of you which most of you generally ignored! You need to focus (pay attention in class), read a lot, take notes during lectures, organise your thoughts and come up with new ideas and thoughts (which comes from reading!). Hope you will do better next semester.
Sorry, to hear about your grades, Brian. Studying for a degree is not like studying for Foundation subjects. You have to practice all that I tried teaching all of you which most of you generally ignored! You need to focus (pay attention in class), read a lot, take notes during lectures, organise your thoughts and come up with new ideas and thoughts (which comes from reading!). Hope you will do better next semester.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Getting to Know my Readers
Hi, Mathew! Hmmmm..... You are not my mystery follower, are you? I like to know my readers. Then, I don't feel like I am writing to strangers! From your comment, I hope I am right in deducing that you are not a student. Right? That's nice to know. So, no, Mathew, I won't call you when I see a rat in my house next! Ha, Ha! The rats have been vanquished! No more rats in my house. I have got my home, my refuge, my sanctuary back!
I have a new post coming up soon -- about some forgotten details about a local history. You can view it after Friday! With pictures, too!
I have a new post coming up soon -- about some forgotten details about a local history. You can view it after Friday! With pictures, too!
Friday, June 5, 2009
ConversationUTAR3
Smash that roach with a slipper or sandal, Fishie! It's ok to kill them. They won't splash on you -- like it would if they were rats! So, it's back to the grind of college, now? What a pity, we couldn't meet up. For some reason, it just doesn't seem to work out. Well, maybe it was meant to be that way. So, I'll see you when I see you!
I found out recently that I got 2 followers. The first is Brian. Well that doesn't surprise me as Brian is an English major and he was my student and writes good English. But, I am slightly dumbfounded that I got a second follower but I don't know who that person is. Could you reveal your identity? I am overcome with curiousity!
I have a couple of things to write about, but, it being the beginnng of the semester, I am a bit over worked! When the pace eases a bit, you can expect a few new posts.
I found out recently that I got 2 followers. The first is Brian. Well that doesn't surprise me as Brian is an English major and he was my student and writes good English. But, I am slightly dumbfounded that I got a second follower but I don't know who that person is. Could you reveal your identity? I am overcome with curiousity!
I have a couple of things to write about, but, it being the beginnng of the semester, I am a bit over worked! When the pace eases a bit, you can expect a few new posts.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Conversations - Utar2
Why, Fishie, you wrote quite a bit and interesting to read as well! See, it is not so bad expressing yourself. Do it more often and you can start a social website for UTAR students!
You passed, great! Many As, I hope! Fishie, before you go back to Kampar, it would be nice if I could see you. I'll be in campus every day from lunch to 5pm. Can have tea at SP Corner. On Fridays, I am usually here until very late. So, if you can make it here, do give me a call. If Brian wants to join you, that's ok, too.
And, Brian, so what's the difference between finding love and catching love? And, now, you say you've lost it! O, dear. You love life is rather fluid!
You passed, great! Many As, I hope! Fishie, before you go back to Kampar, it would be nice if I could see you. I'll be in campus every day from lunch to 5pm. Can have tea at SP Corner. On Fridays, I am usually here until very late. So, if you can make it here, do give me a call. If Brian wants to join you, that's ok, too.
And, Brian, so what's the difference between finding love and catching love? And, now, you say you've lost it! O, dear. You love life is rather fluid!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Pet Peeves
Yes, I did think of getting a cat but where would I find an already house-trained cat? I don't want to be going after it to clean up its mess! I am not someone who will run after pets and clean up after them!
You know, it amazes me the things people do for their pets. One of my neighbours actually wakes up at two in the morning to let her pet dog out to relieve himself -- or is it herself, I didn't ask her! Like most pet owners, she -- the owner, not the dog! -- goes out with one hand covered with a plastic bag with the other clutching an old newspaper page. As soon as her pet has done its business, she will pick up the poo with the plastic bag-wrapped hand and swipe off its butt with the newspaper! And, back they go into their house!
When I go for my walk I see more such labours of pet love! The other day I saw this man with his dog. As soon as it spread its legs to do its business, he ran up to her behind and laid the newspaper beneath to catch the falling poo! My Gosh! He wrapped it all up in paper and walked the dog home!
The things people do for their pets! You'll never catch me doing that for my pets. Maybe, that's why I don't have pets -- because taking care of them will stress me out. Managing their poo habits will stress me out even further!
My old cat -- which has since passed away -- came to me house trained. What I liked most about her was that she left me alone except when she wanted food and wanted to answer the call of nature. If it were night and the house was locked up, she would scratch and thump my door until I woke up and let her out of the house.
She would then go and do her business somewhere, mostly in my garden which I didn't mind because it was a big garden and I didn't use it much and her toilet area was at the far end and she duly covered it up so I never got any stench!
Occasionally when I wasn't harassed by work and got affectionate, I would wrap her up with an old T-shirt and set her on my chest, cuddling her, and wait for her to rest her whole weight on my chest. After a while, she would jump off. She, too, wasn't exactly the expressive and always attention-seeking, touchy-touchy, lap dog-type!
Now, where can I find a cat which can hop on to a toilet seat and ease itself clean into the toilet bowl! I'll take that cat!
You know, it amazes me the things people do for their pets. One of my neighbours actually wakes up at two in the morning to let her pet dog out to relieve himself -- or is it herself, I didn't ask her! Like most pet owners, she -- the owner, not the dog! -- goes out with one hand covered with a plastic bag with the other clutching an old newspaper page. As soon as her pet has done its business, she will pick up the poo with the plastic bag-wrapped hand and swipe off its butt with the newspaper! And, back they go into their house!
When I go for my walk I see more such labours of pet love! The other day I saw this man with his dog. As soon as it spread its legs to do its business, he ran up to her behind and laid the newspaper beneath to catch the falling poo! My Gosh! He wrapped it all up in paper and walked the dog home!
The things people do for their pets! You'll never catch me doing that for my pets. Maybe, that's why I don't have pets -- because taking care of them will stress me out. Managing their poo habits will stress me out even further!
My old cat -- which has since passed away -- came to me house trained. What I liked most about her was that she left me alone except when she wanted food and wanted to answer the call of nature. If it were night and the house was locked up, she would scratch and thump my door until I woke up and let her out of the house.
She would then go and do her business somewhere, mostly in my garden which I didn't mind because it was a big garden and I didn't use it much and her toilet area was at the far end and she duly covered it up so I never got any stench!
Occasionally when I wasn't harassed by work and got affectionate, I would wrap her up with an old T-shirt and set her on my chest, cuddling her, and wait for her to rest her whole weight on my chest. After a while, she would jump off. She, too, wasn't exactly the expressive and always attention-seeking, touchy-touchy, lap dog-type!
Now, where can I find a cat which can hop on to a toilet seat and ease itself clean into the toilet bowl! I'll take that cat!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Conversations - UTAR1
Rats in your hotel? Ooo! Horrors! You should -- with the other students -- complain to the owners of the hotel so that they will do something to rid the place of these nerve-rattling pests! They are a health hazard, too!
Nothing to do, Fishie? Why don't you think of some issue or incident and write about it as a comment? I will comment on your comment and let's see who else will join in.
Nothing to do, Fishie? Why don't you think of some issue or incident and write about it as a comment? I will comment on your comment and let's see who else will join in.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Rat-rattled!
Letting off steam is good, and you did it constructively -- by expressing it in words! So, that's ok. You came by last Wed? Hmmm. Maybe I was in a rush because I had the hottest and hectic 10 days of my life, filled with events that made me hotter than the weather!
Firstly, my car exhaust broke and came loose. I had to have it repaired. Then, the engine warning light came on and I had to send the car back to have that fixed. Then, I decided to spruce up the facade of my house and fix back awnings. While the workers were doing all that and while my car was being fixed, I hung around waiting for everything to get done, tiring myself out from the anxiety of waiting!
When I got my car back, the air cond system went bust! I had to get that fixed. Without the air cond made me hotter than hot!
Finally, air cond now fixed, I got home at 8pm, had dinner, read the papers, took a nice cold bath, and, fresh, settled down to watch my favourite TV serial, Prison Break. During the ad break, I went into the kitchen, turning the fan on and then the light, and standing at the sink, I saw from the corner of my eye, a huge black creature bound out from the wet kitchen from behind the washing machine.
I jumped back and saw this black rat, the size of a cat, hop across the kitchen and out! I was startled seeing that thing in my house because rats don't come inside my house. Thinking that it had fled, I got my glass of water and went back to Prison Break.
Again, during an ad break, I went back to the kitchen for something. I turned the fan on, and then the light and standing at the sink, saw a second creature bound out from the wet kitchen! This time I squeaked in fright! It was smaller but still an adult rat! It disappeared out, too.
Too caught up by Prison Break, I went back to TV viewing. When the programme was over, I went to the kitchen to start locking up before going to bed. This time, a third baby rat fled out, skidded on the marble floor, hit the wall, scrambled back on its legs and escaped behind the book shelf!
I squealed! "From where are they coming from!"
Stick in hand, I scoured the whole house for rats -- under the chairs, sofa, beds, cupboards, bathrooms. Satisfied there were no more rats in my house, I locked up and went to sleep.
When I woke up the next day, and went to the kitchen, the first thing I did was to look for rats! None in the house! Relieved!
At night, again, I settled down to read the papers. Then, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. And, lo! I shrieked in shock! Another blinking rat! A big one, too! Not as big as the first cat-sized black rat, but still a grey-brown adult one! Rats in my house! What's happening!
A fourth rat, second day in a row! That left me undone!
I became so petrified, I ran to the living room, sat in my chair and didn't move for an hour! Then, fearfully I shut all the windows, locked up the house, went upstairs, with the stick, made a lot of noise to drive out the rats, and not finding one finally went to sleep!
I decided: I was not going to live with rats! The next morning, I called the pest exterminators, got one who could come immediately and paid RM 100 to make sure there were no rats in my house!
They checked everywhere and assured me there were no rats. But, to be doubly sure, they left rat poison and rat traps, which, didn't make things any better. I didn't mind the rat poison because the rats would eat that and go away from the house for a water source, usually the drain, where they would die.
The rat traps kept my fear at heightened levels! The rat trap was actually a small rectangular piece of cardboard on which is spread some rat glue. Pieces of biscuit are placed on the glue to bait the rat. I was petrified that I would have to deal with a rat stuck in glue!
The exterminators said that all I needed to do was to take the board and put it in a big plastic bag and throw it away! What? What if the rat were alive? I didn't want to see a rat thrashing in glue in the throes of death! I told them, "I will call you! Please come take it away!" It is a service they do.
Every hour I would check the mats which were placed in the kitchen and outside the house for dead rats. No rat. But was I relieved? No! The damage was done. I broke out in fear. Nothing could allay those fears. When I stepped into my house, I couldn't breathe! I was terrified I would run into a rat!
Just before locking up for the night, I looked outside to see if there were a dead rat. I didn't see the glue mat. Instead, I heard the rough sound of something dragging something like a mat on the other side of my parked car in the porch.
It was midnight and I didn't want to shock myself and get all worked up over having to deal with a dead -- or dying -- rat! I locked up and went to sleep!
The next morning, picking up the papers and looking for the missing glue mat, I found it behind the back right wheel of my car. That wily rat, trapped by glue, had dragged itself with the mat 10 feet away to where I had found it! I called the pest busters and they carried it off.
Since then, I have not seen a rat in my house but do I feel relieved? No, the spectre of rats in my house is so vivid, it has shattered the sense of security I feel in my own house.
I am totally at rest and relaxed in my house but rats have destroyed that! I walk around my house looking for rats now! I am praying and waiting for the day when I can forget about rats and claim my house again as my refuge and sanctuary. Please, God, let that day come fast, like now!
Brian-still-looking-for-love, sure, anytime you need help, you can ask me. BTW, forget about looking for love, look for living your life! And, Fishie, if you make another trip to PD Block, do sms me first. Brian should have given you my number. If not, do get it from him.
Firstly, my car exhaust broke and came loose. I had to have it repaired. Then, the engine warning light came on and I had to send the car back to have that fixed. Then, I decided to spruce up the facade of my house and fix back awnings. While the workers were doing all that and while my car was being fixed, I hung around waiting for everything to get done, tiring myself out from the anxiety of waiting!
When I got my car back, the air cond system went bust! I had to get that fixed. Without the air cond made me hotter than hot!
Finally, air cond now fixed, I got home at 8pm, had dinner, read the papers, took a nice cold bath, and, fresh, settled down to watch my favourite TV serial, Prison Break. During the ad break, I went into the kitchen, turning the fan on and then the light, and standing at the sink, I saw from the corner of my eye, a huge black creature bound out from the wet kitchen from behind the washing machine.
I jumped back and saw this black rat, the size of a cat, hop across the kitchen and out! I was startled seeing that thing in my house because rats don't come inside my house. Thinking that it had fled, I got my glass of water and went back to Prison Break.
Again, during an ad break, I went back to the kitchen for something. I turned the fan on, and then the light and standing at the sink, saw a second creature bound out from the wet kitchen! This time I squeaked in fright! It was smaller but still an adult rat! It disappeared out, too.
Too caught up by Prison Break, I went back to TV viewing. When the programme was over, I went to the kitchen to start locking up before going to bed. This time, a third baby rat fled out, skidded on the marble floor, hit the wall, scrambled back on its legs and escaped behind the book shelf!
I squealed! "From where are they coming from!"
Stick in hand, I scoured the whole house for rats -- under the chairs, sofa, beds, cupboards, bathrooms. Satisfied there were no more rats in my house, I locked up and went to sleep.
When I woke up the next day, and went to the kitchen, the first thing I did was to look for rats! None in the house! Relieved!
At night, again, I settled down to read the papers. Then, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. And, lo! I shrieked in shock! Another blinking rat! A big one, too! Not as big as the first cat-sized black rat, but still a grey-brown adult one! Rats in my house! What's happening!
A fourth rat, second day in a row! That left me undone!
I became so petrified, I ran to the living room, sat in my chair and didn't move for an hour! Then, fearfully I shut all the windows, locked up the house, went upstairs, with the stick, made a lot of noise to drive out the rats, and not finding one finally went to sleep!
I decided: I was not going to live with rats! The next morning, I called the pest exterminators, got one who could come immediately and paid RM 100 to make sure there were no rats in my house!
They checked everywhere and assured me there were no rats. But, to be doubly sure, they left rat poison and rat traps, which, didn't make things any better. I didn't mind the rat poison because the rats would eat that and go away from the house for a water source, usually the drain, where they would die.
The rat traps kept my fear at heightened levels! The rat trap was actually a small rectangular piece of cardboard on which is spread some rat glue. Pieces of biscuit are placed on the glue to bait the rat. I was petrified that I would have to deal with a rat stuck in glue!
The exterminators said that all I needed to do was to take the board and put it in a big plastic bag and throw it away! What? What if the rat were alive? I didn't want to see a rat thrashing in glue in the throes of death! I told them, "I will call you! Please come take it away!" It is a service they do.
Every hour I would check the mats which were placed in the kitchen and outside the house for dead rats. No rat. But was I relieved? No! The damage was done. I broke out in fear. Nothing could allay those fears. When I stepped into my house, I couldn't breathe! I was terrified I would run into a rat!
Just before locking up for the night, I looked outside to see if there were a dead rat. I didn't see the glue mat. Instead, I heard the rough sound of something dragging something like a mat on the other side of my parked car in the porch.
It was midnight and I didn't want to shock myself and get all worked up over having to deal with a dead -- or dying -- rat! I locked up and went to sleep!
The next morning, picking up the papers and looking for the missing glue mat, I found it behind the back right wheel of my car. That wily rat, trapped by glue, had dragged itself with the mat 10 feet away to where I had found it! I called the pest busters and they carried it off.
Since then, I have not seen a rat in my house but do I feel relieved? No, the spectre of rats in my house is so vivid, it has shattered the sense of security I feel in my own house.
I am totally at rest and relaxed in my house but rats have destroyed that! I walk around my house looking for rats now! I am praying and waiting for the day when I can forget about rats and claim my house again as my refuge and sanctuary. Please, God, let that day come fast, like now!
Brian-still-looking-for-love, sure, anytime you need help, you can ask me. BTW, forget about looking for love, look for living your life! And, Fishie, if you make another trip to PD Block, do sms me first. Brian should have given you my number. If not, do get it from him.
Friday, May 8, 2009
What's Up?
Warriorrose is beginning to get lonely in cyberspace! No one -- except for Brian, thank you, Brian -- is chatting her up! Now, where have all the readers gone to? Maybe, I am losing my touch! Even Fishie doesn't comment anymore! She must be studying real hard. Well, exams are over. So, I am expecting to hear from a few of you soon!
By the way, Brian, in journalism, we never write thesis sentences; we write leads! You have forgotten, so soon? Never mind, when you take journalism next semester, everything will jolt back into memory!
So, I take it that you are staying put in UTAR? Finally coming to terms with the choice of your major? You know, you can always do your master's in psychology. Things have a way of sorting themselves out.
By the way, Brian, in journalism, we never write thesis sentences; we write leads! You have forgotten, so soon? Never mind, when you take journalism next semester, everything will jolt back into memory!
So, I take it that you are staying put in UTAR? Finally coming to terms with the choice of your major? You know, you can always do your master's in psychology. Things have a way of sorting themselves out.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Don't Let Me Scare You Off Jounalism!
What? No comments? No one has an opinion about anything? C'mon, I am sure you have something to say about something?! Do give it a shot.
Meanwhile, here are two pix of me frightening the students during my recent lecture on journalism at the Kampar campus. I was told I scared them off journalism with my stories on meeting deadlines and all the challenges journalists face and how that messes up their personal lives!
Relax. These are the occupational hazards of the job! Journalists who have been in their profession for long love what they do despite the negatives. They love the adrenaline rush, the heady excitement of being right in the centre of news-making action, access to privy information and the satisfaction of getting to the root of the matter.
If you like a fast-paced, action-packed life and are not afraid of talking to people and getting information from them, you will fit in just nicely. The point is you must know what is expected of you and have the confidence that you can deliver. Then, you are cut out for the job! After some time, you will also be able to find some time and space to enjoy your personal life.
So, to all the budding journalists out there, good luck!
Meanwhile, here are two pix of me frightening the students during my recent lecture on journalism at the Kampar campus. I was told I scared them off journalism with my stories on meeting deadlines and all the challenges journalists face and how that messes up their personal lives!
Relax. These are the occupational hazards of the job! Journalists who have been in their profession for long love what they do despite the negatives. They love the adrenaline rush, the heady excitement of being right in the centre of news-making action, access to privy information and the satisfaction of getting to the root of the matter.
If you like a fast-paced, action-packed life and are not afraid of talking to people and getting information from them, you will fit in just nicely. The point is you must know what is expected of you and have the confidence that you can deliver. Then, you are cut out for the job! After some time, you will also be able to find some time and space to enjoy your personal life.
So, to all the budding journalists out there, good luck!
The top picture shows a class rep presenting me with a gift. That was a very thoughtful gesture which I appreciated a lot!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Just Talk!
I am going into a busy part of the year and doubt if I would be able to post weekly articles. I will only be writing when I can squeeze in the time. But, I don't want to cut off communication altogether.
Instead, I am going to encourage you, my readers, to converse with me about this and that and anything! Put in your comments and I'll respond as a post! I'll put the post up on a Friday, so you can get to read it from Saturday onwards. I hope many of you engage in this online chit chat. Let's see where it will take us!
By the way, I must warn you, be careful about what you say, because if the conversations turn out good, I might just decide to compile them in a book for sale! I will quote you! And, all rights reserved!
Instead, I am going to encourage you, my readers, to converse with me about this and that and anything! Put in your comments and I'll respond as a post! I'll put the post up on a Friday, so you can get to read it from Saturday onwards. I hope many of you engage in this online chit chat. Let's see where it will take us!
By the way, I must warn you, be careful about what you say, because if the conversations turn out good, I might just decide to compile them in a book for sale! I will quote you! And, all rights reserved!
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Social Faux Pas Between Unequals
Now, what is wrong with this picture? It created a little social controversy, but why? It is probably the first time the world has seen a public display of affection by The Queen. (Right now, there is only one "The Queen" and that title is reserved for none other than Queen Elizabeth of England.) But, why was that a controversy?The story goes that when Queen Elizabeth met US First Lady Michelle Obama for the first time, she let her hand edge to the back of the First Lady and the latter reciprocated by putting her hand around the Queen. This is a definite "no, no"! Palace protocol dictates that no one touches The Queen! And no one is to extend a hand to The Queen -- not unless she extends it first! Even then, you take it very gingerly and make sure you don't go overboard with an effusive display of affection! The Queen and the US First Lady, by the way, slowly let their hands drop and kept the space between them after that.
So, what happened here? Why did The Queen intuitively reach out to embrace the US First Lady, even if only very discreetly? She has never done this with any other woman in public. (Maybe even in private, I don't know!) So, why did this happen?
I have a little explanation.
This is not the first time a faux pas like this has taken place. When talk show host Jay Leno invited US President Barack Obama to his show, the former did the same. There was a picture of the two that appeared in The Star where Leno leans forward and reaches out his right hand to touch Obama's left shoulder. He is the President. How come you feel so free to be so familiar with the President?
(Excuse the size of the pictures! I couldn't get bigger pictures!)
Some people may say that it was a simple gesture of acceptance. Fair enough. And, that might have been the same reason Queen Elizabeth broke protocol and reached out to embrace Michelle, O, so imperceptibly.
But, have you noticed that such so called "gestures of acceptance" are generally taken by white people and, generally, with not-white-people? If the Obamas were white, would people have felt the need to embrace and hug them as a sign of acceptance? They do not show this display of affection with one of their own. Why show it to someone of a different race?
I believe this is a social faux pas that not just white people commit but which members of any majority group are prone to similarly act.
Somewhere at the back of the majority consciousness is a sense of insecurity when a member of a minority group gets into power or reaches a level of equality that the majority group is forced to come to terms with.
The majority group can not dismiss the minority group member because the latter is now exercising his or her rights as an equal -- not as a member of the oppressed minority. The sense of insecurity arises because the majority is unsure if the minority member will play the game as they understand it. To compensate for that sense of insecurity, they try to be extra "pally", buddy-buddy-like! They reach out to touch their black President; they give a gentle embrace of the visiting more-important-than-them, black First Lady.
All these gestures are aimed at showing their acceptance of you, no doubt. But, how would you feel if you were the black President or Third World leader or minority group member now CEO leading an organisation made of majority group members?
You would inevitably wonder: "I am your President not your friend. Why are you putting your arm around me?" Or "Yes, I am a woman in a top position but that does not mean I don't know what I am doing and you need to teach me or go out of your way to show me how!" Or "Yes, I am a Third World leader not a First World leader, but you don't have to be so condescending and patronising and hold my arm to indicate to me that you welcome me like as if I shouldn't be welcomed because of who I am but because you are so magnanimous you will welcome me!" Or "Yes, I am the first black First Lady, but you don't have to go out of your way to show your acceptance of me just because I am black!"
So, you see behind all these gestures is an underlying perception that you are still not their equal. You are still different. That is the reason they don't accord you the same respect and distance they naturally give to someone of their same majority group or race.
It is all very unconscious; they are not doing it intentionally. They are just reacting to their own insecurity and make all these social blunders when interacting with minority groups and people of a different race.
Unfortunately, minority members in majority positions some times do not understand the cross-cultural misreading that takes place when cultures and sub-cultures interact. They are quick to pick on the underlying lack of disrespect and react, often by insisting on a slew of protocol on how people should relate to them. Because, they are now in authority, they have the power to insist on the protocol and they come across looking like bullies, when they don't mean to. This further worsens the estrangement between the two sides. Or, the minority leader swings to the other extreme and dismisses and curses off the majority as a bunch of no-good bigots!
When, in fact, all that is needed is simple understanding, and a willingness to communicate and relate despite the misconceptions. Relate instead of retreating until the relationship sorts itself out on a balanced keel. The worst thing to do is to retreat because you deprive both sides the opportunities to find a way to relate in the most optimum way they can.
In cross-cultural relationships, the worst thing to do is to retreat and put a wall up. You, then, miss the chance for a breakthrough that would make the relationship better than you expect!
A safe and simple way to start a cross-cultural relationship is to follow the basic rules of social protocol:
i. With unequals and equals who are not friends, maintain a physical space after a handshake. It does not matter whether they are black or blue or green. They are people and they are not your friends. So, keep a respectful distance!
ii. When they become friends, be sure they don't mind you putting your arm around them! If they do, please, again, keep your distance and keep your hands to yourself!
iii. If anyone with rank treats you as friends, you have to respect their position. They are your friends but they have rank over you and, so, keep your hands to yourself! You have to let them call the shots until they give you the privilege of equal friendship.
iv. Someone with rank can put his or her arm around you but if you don't like it, cringe. They won't do it the next time!
vi. Generally, treat other people the same way you would treat people of equal rank or position in your own community. That is the most complimentary way of relating cross-culturally; it shows you accept them as equals.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Conversations2
It's all right, Fishie! Look me up when you come by the PD Block during your break. We can do coffee here!
David? ... David, David? Hmmmm.... . The name is so familiar but I can't recall the face. Maybe, you should attach a pic with your comment! Well, if you saw me sitting alone, drinking hot coffee, why didn't you stop by to say, "Hello"? I don't bite, you know!
Sounds like some of you are really enjoying the Kampar campus. The lake, particularly, seems to be a point of interest. From your accounts, it has all sorts of creatures in it. Otters, even? Maybe, next time, I'll get to see these creatures. If you see those creatures, take some pictures and send them to me. I'll upload them here!
I am going on a break, so my next post will appear after the April 10 Easter weekend. To those of you who celebrate Easter, I hope you will have a special insight of what Easter is all about. Those who don't celebrate Easter but would like to know more about it, just accompany a friend to an Easter service!
David? ... David, David? Hmmmm.... . The name is so familiar but I can't recall the face. Maybe, you should attach a pic with your comment! Well, if you saw me sitting alone, drinking hot coffee, why didn't you stop by to say, "Hello"? I don't bite, you know!
Sounds like some of you are really enjoying the Kampar campus. The lake, particularly, seems to be a point of interest. From your accounts, it has all sorts of creatures in it. Otters, even? Maybe, next time, I'll get to see these creatures. If you see those creatures, take some pictures and send them to me. I'll upload them here!
I am going on a break, so my next post will appear after the April 10 Easter weekend. To those of you who celebrate Easter, I hope you will have a special insight of what Easter is all about. Those who don't celebrate Easter but would like to know more about it, just accompany a friend to an Easter service!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Conversations1
Yes, Kenny, the view from the UTAR Kampar campus cafeteria is great. I actually did see a crocodile snout (it looked like it from where I was seated!) glide through the water surface. I pointed it out to Nelson who happened to see me there. He said it was Zhen Hui! It seems that is Zhen Hui's pet name!
Yes, Kenny, it was nice bumping into you. Good to also know that you are looking well and have nicely settled into campus life. You did look like you were enjoying yourself. Glad to see that.
Don't worry about it, Brian. I will see you when I see you all.
Yes, Kenny, it was nice bumping into you. Good to also know that you are looking well and have nicely settled into campus life. You did look like you were enjoying yourself. Glad to see that.
Don't worry about it, Brian. I will see you when I see you all.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Conversations
Hmmmmm... ! I didn't get any missed calls nor sms from you or Fishie or anyone else, Brian. Did you get the right handphone number? I think you might have my old number which I don't use anymore. I sent you the new number in the earlier email to you. Check your emails and make sure you have my right number. You might have passed on my old number. That might explain things. I was wondering why no one contacted me! Do correct the problem, Brian!
I came by UTAR van and the pick-up time for the return trip was 5.30pm. I was at the canteen up to about 5.15pm and had to go off to board the van back, Fishie.
Never mind, do keep in touch. Hope I will see you all one of these days!
I came by UTAR van and the pick-up time for the return trip was 5.30pm. I was at the canteen up to about 5.15pm and had to go off to board the van back, Fishie.
Never mind, do keep in touch. Hope I will see you all one of these days!
Monday, March 16, 2009
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Hmmmm...... . This is, indeed, a curious movie! Quite improbable! But, it is an interesting premise to discuss the hot topic of age differences in relationships and how love crosses them!
Scott Fitzerald's theme in his book by the same name is clearly communicated in the movie -- that at any numerical age, one is, in a way, both young and old. Benjamin Button ages from an old man to a baby. Along the way, at various ages, he finds relationships. He is able to relate, though it is hard to say what age he really is! But, does it matter? The point is he related and developed good lasting relationships as with Daisy, his love, and Queenie, his adopted mum.
The movie examines this issue with unprejudiced clarity and depth. For that alone, it is worth watching! It defies the conventional notions of age while establishing the fact that where there is love, age differences, too, can be conquered.
Having said that, I have to add, this is probably workable in the reel world -- not the real world! In reality, no full-blooded young man or woman -- whether 18, 28 or even 38 -- is going to start a lasting relationship with, say, a 70-year-old even if she looks as hot and beautiful as Cate Blanchet was made up to look at around 60 plus or if he were as wealthy and desirable as media baron, Rupert Murdoch! Not that it never happens.
Aussie media moghul, Rupert Murdoch, was 68 when in 1999 he married his third wife, Wendy Deng (who is a Chinese) when she was 30 years old. The marriage is still going strong and they have two daughters. And, actress Joan Collins, around 60-plus of age, married someone who was about 30 years old more than a decade ago. That marriage, too, is holding.
But, these are exceptions rather than the norm. Murdoch is filthy rich and that is a good reason for a woman to go for such an old man. And, Joan Collins? Well, Joan Collins is Joan Collins! And, she, isn't exactly super rich! But, she is hot and there must be something in that relationship to keep it going.
Of course, there are more such examples and we hear of them all around us. Generally, though, these May-December relationships are great affairs, and encouraged to be kept that way. But, I find that quite hypocritical. I mean, you don't mind having sex with them but you don't believe they can support an emotional relationship with you?!
So, I find more honesty in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button than among the affair-lovers because it shows a real relationship despite the age differences. It may be highly improbable but not entirely impossible!
There are two reasons why it worked in the movie and those same reasons can apply to real life. One is the unique circumstances you may be in. Benjamin Button didn't choose his life; it happened that way. Old and ugly at birth, his father abandoned him. A black woman -- who, herself understood what it is like to be rejected because of the way one looks -- saw beyond the ugliness and beheld just a rejected baby and took care of him. Because of her magnanimity a story began that could be told.
The second reason is love. This, really, is the only reason that crosses all boundaries, barriers and differences. It was love that made a black woman at the bottom of the social heap pick up an abandoned white boy and raise him. It was love that made an old-young man start a family, although it was that same love that also led him to leave the woman and child he loves because he knew he would not be able to support them when he ages and becomes a child. And, later, to embrace again the now older woman. It was love that led an old woman to take care of the man she loves who has now become a baby. Love transcends all things.
But, such real love, whether in a May-December relationship or in any other relationship, is rare. But, I think, people are not stupid. When real love happens, we know it and we do what only love bids us to do and always in the best interests of the person loved. No one needs to train or teach us. Love always prompts action and always in the direction of the person/s loved.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is not really an entertaining movie. But, as food for thought? It is excellent!
Scott Fitzerald's theme in his book by the same name is clearly communicated in the movie -- that at any numerical age, one is, in a way, both young and old. Benjamin Button ages from an old man to a baby. Along the way, at various ages, he finds relationships. He is able to relate, though it is hard to say what age he really is! But, does it matter? The point is he related and developed good lasting relationships as with Daisy, his love, and Queenie, his adopted mum.
The movie examines this issue with unprejudiced clarity and depth. For that alone, it is worth watching! It defies the conventional notions of age while establishing the fact that where there is love, age differences, too, can be conquered.
Having said that, I have to add, this is probably workable in the reel world -- not the real world! In reality, no full-blooded young man or woman -- whether 18, 28 or even 38 -- is going to start a lasting relationship with, say, a 70-year-old even if she looks as hot and beautiful as Cate Blanchet was made up to look at around 60 plus or if he were as wealthy and desirable as media baron, Rupert Murdoch! Not that it never happens.
Aussie media moghul, Rupert Murdoch, was 68 when in 1999 he married his third wife, Wendy Deng (who is a Chinese) when she was 30 years old. The marriage is still going strong and they have two daughters. And, actress Joan Collins, around 60-plus of age, married someone who was about 30 years old more than a decade ago. That marriage, too, is holding.
But, these are exceptions rather than the norm. Murdoch is filthy rich and that is a good reason for a woman to go for such an old man. And, Joan Collins? Well, Joan Collins is Joan Collins! And, she, isn't exactly super rich! But, she is hot and there must be something in that relationship to keep it going.
Of course, there are more such examples and we hear of them all around us. Generally, though, these May-December relationships are great affairs, and encouraged to be kept that way. But, I find that quite hypocritical. I mean, you don't mind having sex with them but you don't believe they can support an emotional relationship with you?!
So, I find more honesty in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button than among the affair-lovers because it shows a real relationship despite the age differences. It may be highly improbable but not entirely impossible!
There are two reasons why it worked in the movie and those same reasons can apply to real life. One is the unique circumstances you may be in. Benjamin Button didn't choose his life; it happened that way. Old and ugly at birth, his father abandoned him. A black woman -- who, herself understood what it is like to be rejected because of the way one looks -- saw beyond the ugliness and beheld just a rejected baby and took care of him. Because of her magnanimity a story began that could be told.
The second reason is love. This, really, is the only reason that crosses all boundaries, barriers and differences. It was love that made a black woman at the bottom of the social heap pick up an abandoned white boy and raise him. It was love that made an old-young man start a family, although it was that same love that also led him to leave the woman and child he loves because he knew he would not be able to support them when he ages and becomes a child. And, later, to embrace again the now older woman. It was love that led an old woman to take care of the man she loves who has now become a baby. Love transcends all things.
But, such real love, whether in a May-December relationship or in any other relationship, is rare. But, I think, people are not stupid. When real love happens, we know it and we do what only love bids us to do and always in the best interests of the person loved. No one needs to train or teach us. Love always prompts action and always in the direction of the person/s loved.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is not really an entertaining movie. But, as food for thought? It is excellent!
Slumdog Millionaire
I will give Slumdog Millionaire a four-star rating. It loses a star for its somewhat far-fetched plot and an only average standard of acting. But, on all other counts, it deserved its Oscars.
The cinematography is brilliant. The angles at which it captured the scenes give an interesting perspective of slum life in India and the colours that are part of the environment but which are often missed because overwhelming poverty grabs your attention. Yet -- because of the cinematography -- you see colour in that abject poverty -- flashes of colourful sarees and reflecting light in running water and falling rain, for example. The music is hauntingly dramatic, weaving the theme of tragedy as the plot unfolds and the drumbeat keeps you sensually in suspense.
The movie is tightly edited and the plot, while simple, portrays a slice of reality in up and coming India -- the horrors of life in the slums which form the inescapable reality of its inhabitants. That's the way life is -- unless luck is on your side. As the blind boy Aravind tells Jamal: "The only difference between you and I is that you were lucky!"
And luck is on Jamal's side all the way to the top prize of the game show "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". It is quite incredulous that all the questions that the host of the show asks Jamal could be related to some specific experience he has gone through. That might be a bit hard to believe, but it does show that Jamal is, indeed, a lucky guy who -- because of luck -- finally gets the love of his life!
Despite its apparent shortcomings, Slumdog Millionaire is nevertheless a highly entertaining movie. It is visually stimulating and musically emotion-evoking and with a real plot without the typical melodrama that Bollywood is famous for. And, Danny Boyle definitely deserves an Oscar for Best Director for taking unknown actors and slum children and raising them to a commendable standard of acting as evidenced in the movie.
Slumdog Millionaire is worth watching!
The cinematography is brilliant. The angles at which it captured the scenes give an interesting perspective of slum life in India and the colours that are part of the environment but which are often missed because overwhelming poverty grabs your attention. Yet -- because of the cinematography -- you see colour in that abject poverty -- flashes of colourful sarees and reflecting light in running water and falling rain, for example. The music is hauntingly dramatic, weaving the theme of tragedy as the plot unfolds and the drumbeat keeps you sensually in suspense.
The movie is tightly edited and the plot, while simple, portrays a slice of reality in up and coming India -- the horrors of life in the slums which form the inescapable reality of its inhabitants. That's the way life is -- unless luck is on your side. As the blind boy Aravind tells Jamal: "The only difference between you and I is that you were lucky!"
And luck is on Jamal's side all the way to the top prize of the game show "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". It is quite incredulous that all the questions that the host of the show asks Jamal could be related to some specific experience he has gone through. That might be a bit hard to believe, but it does show that Jamal is, indeed, a lucky guy who -- because of luck -- finally gets the love of his life!
Despite its apparent shortcomings, Slumdog Millionaire is nevertheless a highly entertaining movie. It is visually stimulating and musically emotion-evoking and with a real plot without the typical melodrama that Bollywood is famous for. And, Danny Boyle definitely deserves an Oscar for Best Director for taking unknown actors and slum children and raising them to a commendable standard of acting as evidenced in the movie.
Slumdog Millionaire is worth watching!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Softening Up!
O, Sam, thanks again for the compliments! But the truth is that my students have seen the dark side of me! But that has not deterred some of them from being open to me. And, we end up being friends. I must compliment them for their confidence and openness! They may not have realised it but because they are that way, I have softened up! I learn somethings from them, too, you know!
For the next couple of days, I won't be updating my blog because I will be busy watching movies. Most of the Oscar-nominated movies are playing in town, so, I am going to watch them all! I have already watched Slumdog Millionaire from the A row (the first fow from the screen!) -- they were the only seats available on the night we went to watch it! So, I got a down-upward view of Slumdog Millionaire. It was slightly disorientating and we were 10 minutes late, but I still caught the essence of the movie. I think I am going to see it again from one of those higher seats to get a full and complete perspective.
Read the movie reviews in my next blog!
For the next couple of days, I won't be updating my blog because I will be busy watching movies. Most of the Oscar-nominated movies are playing in town, so, I am going to watch them all! I have already watched Slumdog Millionaire from the A row (the first fow from the screen!) -- they were the only seats available on the night we went to watch it! So, I got a down-upward view of Slumdog Millionaire. It was slightly disorientating and we were 10 minutes late, but I still caught the essence of the movie. I think I am going to see it again from one of those higher seats to get a full and complete perspective.
Read the movie reviews in my next blog!
Friday, February 27, 2009
March 1st birthday!
Happy Birthday, Wong KaiFu. I know you are now incommunicado and that's ok. But, I still want you to know that I didn't forget your birthday! Mainly because it falls in the same month as mine! But more because the date was unusual -- 1. I remembered!
Have a great day with lots of fun!
Have a great day with lots of fun!
Hot Over Current Issues
Firstly, I like Fishie's attitude. She met with a disappointment, admitted it, and as she immersed herself in all that varsity work, she forgot about it -- hopefully -- and could still laugh over it! Atta, girl, that's the way to go!
I think that's the best way to deal with the disappointments of life: Face up to it, admit how you feel, then immerse yourself in something new or absorbing and move on. After a while, you can even laugh over it! He! He!
Secondly, I really must say something about the Elizabeth Wong pictures. Malaysians are a bunch of voyeurs! They are too cowardly to exhibit but they love to watch! What if that were your mother's or sister's pictures? You wouldn't look. I didn't look out of respect for a fellow woman.
Our communal ties are so loose that we don't see another human being as someone connected with us. Not connected, that person just becomes a mass of flesh, not a human being, just someone you can fool around with! Shame on the person who took those pictures and abused the sanctity of the privacy of the relationship by passing the pictures for circulation. It wasn't as if she -- or he -- were married and having an affair or buying sex! What's wrong with sleeping in the nude?
There's that saying: What goes around comes around. I hate to think what will happen to those who took advantage of her vulnerablility. One day, I hope they will learn -- the hard and painful way -- that people are to be respected and protected when vulnerable.
Thirdly, I can't believe what the Umno Youth members did to MP Karpal Singh! Intimidating him by ganging up and surrounding him outside Parliament House! My goodness! A gang of young men -- punks, rather -- picking a fight with an old man in a wheelchair! How low can some people sink? And, all that Khairy Jamaluddin could say was that there is "real, explosive anger" at the grassroots level? Is he giving his tacit approval to such thuggish behaviour or is he saying that he can't control his members? If the latter, then, why is he the leader? He should step down!
People may be upset by some of the things Karpal Singh says but deal with it through democratic means and according to the law. Not by taking the law into their own hands. This is yet another example of political swaggering that has come threateningly close to bodily harm. And, what has the police done about it? I would like to see what the police are going to do to.
All of Malaysia is clamouring for democracy, except -- it appears -- for a few who still want the old uneven playing field where they can flaunt their political might over the powerless and get away with it. God forbid they ever get into seats of government. What dread would befall this nation it they did! It would be a case of giving garlands to monkeys!
I think that's the best way to deal with the disappointments of life: Face up to it, admit how you feel, then immerse yourself in something new or absorbing and move on. After a while, you can even laugh over it! He! He!
Secondly, I really must say something about the Elizabeth Wong pictures. Malaysians are a bunch of voyeurs! They are too cowardly to exhibit but they love to watch! What if that were your mother's or sister's pictures? You wouldn't look. I didn't look out of respect for a fellow woman.
Our communal ties are so loose that we don't see another human being as someone connected with us. Not connected, that person just becomes a mass of flesh, not a human being, just someone you can fool around with! Shame on the person who took those pictures and abused the sanctity of the privacy of the relationship by passing the pictures for circulation. It wasn't as if she -- or he -- were married and having an affair or buying sex! What's wrong with sleeping in the nude?
There's that saying: What goes around comes around. I hate to think what will happen to those who took advantage of her vulnerablility. One day, I hope they will learn -- the hard and painful way -- that people are to be respected and protected when vulnerable.
Thirdly, I can't believe what the Umno Youth members did to MP Karpal Singh! Intimidating him by ganging up and surrounding him outside Parliament House! My goodness! A gang of young men -- punks, rather -- picking a fight with an old man in a wheelchair! How low can some people sink? And, all that Khairy Jamaluddin could say was that there is "real, explosive anger" at the grassroots level? Is he giving his tacit approval to such thuggish behaviour or is he saying that he can't control his members? If the latter, then, why is he the leader? He should step down!
People may be upset by some of the things Karpal Singh says but deal with it through democratic means and according to the law. Not by taking the law into their own hands. This is yet another example of political swaggering that has come threateningly close to bodily harm. And, what has the police done about it? I would like to see what the police are going to do to.
All of Malaysia is clamouring for democracy, except -- it appears -- for a few who still want the old uneven playing field where they can flaunt their political might over the powerless and get away with it. God forbid they ever get into seats of government. What dread would befall this nation it they did! It would be a case of giving garlands to monkeys!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Anonymous Unmasked!
Sam? My student, Sam? Oh, dear!
Sam, if a bird loves a fish, it is one of those "can't be" relationships. Don't waste you time on it! "Can't be" relationships just can't be. So, there's no point in hoping for a future in it. Leave it and move on. But, there is no rule on Earth which says that birds and fishes can't be friends. Step back a little and put some emotional distance between you and the other person and when you are up to it, just be a good friend.
If for whatever reason, you can't be lovers, then just be good friends!
Fishie, I love your comment and the way you said it! It's so fun! Sam, take Fishie's advice! Many of us have gone through this "can't be" relationships and not just survived but come through as better people, better in touch with our emotions. It is all part of discovering yourself and others! It shows what love you are capable of and gives you an opportunity to handle it well. When you handle it well, you mature.
So, don't worry! Be happy!
By the way, it's not a "waste" writing! I enjoy it. And, yes, Fishie, we have a date in Kampar!
Sam, if a bird loves a fish, it is one of those "can't be" relationships. Don't waste you time on it! "Can't be" relationships just can't be. So, there's no point in hoping for a future in it. Leave it and move on. But, there is no rule on Earth which says that birds and fishes can't be friends. Step back a little and put some emotional distance between you and the other person and when you are up to it, just be a good friend.
If for whatever reason, you can't be lovers, then just be good friends!
Fishie, I love your comment and the way you said it! It's so fun! Sam, take Fishie's advice! Many of us have gone through this "can't be" relationships and not just survived but come through as better people, better in touch with our emotions. It is all part of discovering yourself and others! It shows what love you are capable of and gives you an opportunity to handle it well. When you handle it well, you mature.
So, don't worry! Be happy!
By the way, it's not a "waste" writing! I enjoy it. And, yes, Fishie, we have a date in Kampar!
Monday, February 23, 2009
By The Way, Anonymous .....
I had a weekend of good rest. So, my head is clear and my thoughts gelled!
So, anonymous, I hope you are not the type who can only stop and stare and don't do anything else! Then, you can't blame the one you love for loving another, can you?
I don't know if this is the scenario with you. But, if a guy got close to the woman he loves, and then she said she has found another love, then, of course, it will hurt alot. But, you will know for sure, this is not the one for you and you will find closure. It may hurt but you will be able to move on and give yourself another chance. If you can't, then it is best to go for counselling.
But, if the guy doesn't do anything to draw close to the woman of his dreams, how is she to know what he feels or want? She may have waited and not getting any initiative from him, she may have responded to someone who did. She gave herself a chance because, maybe, the first guy didn't act!
Again, I don't know if this is the case with you. If it is, and you haven't already done it, it still isn't too late. Act, but act immediately.Take the risk and take steps -- big steps (small steps are for the unsure; big steps are taken by the confident and those sure of what they want) -- towards your love. Do all the things men do to get the woman they want. If her response is negative, you know for sure she is not the one for you. But, you would still have grown in emotional honesty and emotional integrity. The latter follows the former. You would have affirmed yourself as someone with honest feelings and the other as well. She will be affirmed to know that someone loves her and it would enhance her self-esteeem just as much as yours would be enhanced. And, you get closure and you will be ready to move on.
Surprisingly, if she responds positively, then, you have hit lottery! You get-the-woman-you-love! Now, how many men can boast of that? You'd be one of the elite!
For some reason, I am assuming, Anonymous, that you are a guy. If you are not, I think, the same could apply to a woman, as well.
Good luck! Enjoy The Chase!
Kenny! Kenny, you have resurfaced! Good to know that you do visit this blog. Yes, I look forward to seeing you in Kampar.
So, anonymous, I hope you are not the type who can only stop and stare and don't do anything else! Then, you can't blame the one you love for loving another, can you?
I don't know if this is the scenario with you. But, if a guy got close to the woman he loves, and then she said she has found another love, then, of course, it will hurt alot. But, you will know for sure, this is not the one for you and you will find closure. It may hurt but you will be able to move on and give yourself another chance. If you can't, then it is best to go for counselling.
But, if the guy doesn't do anything to draw close to the woman of his dreams, how is she to know what he feels or want? She may have waited and not getting any initiative from him, she may have responded to someone who did. She gave herself a chance because, maybe, the first guy didn't act!
Again, I don't know if this is the case with you. If it is, and you haven't already done it, it still isn't too late. Act, but act immediately.Take the risk and take steps -- big steps (small steps are for the unsure; big steps are taken by the confident and those sure of what they want) -- towards your love. Do all the things men do to get the woman they want. If her response is negative, you know for sure she is not the one for you. But, you would still have grown in emotional honesty and emotional integrity. The latter follows the former. You would have affirmed yourself as someone with honest feelings and the other as well. She will be affirmed to know that someone loves her and it would enhance her self-esteeem just as much as yours would be enhanced. And, you get closure and you will be ready to move on.
Surprisingly, if she responds positively, then, you have hit lottery! You get-the-woman-you-love! Now, how many men can boast of that? You'd be one of the elite!
For some reason, I am assuming, Anonymous, that you are a guy. If you are not, I think, the same could apply to a woman, as well.
Good luck! Enjoy The Chase!
Kenny! Kenny, you have resurfaced! Good to know that you do visit this blog. Yes, I look forward to seeing you in Kampar.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Kampar Visit
I will be visiting the UTAR Kampar campus on March 16 to give a guest lecture at a foundation course class. I would be free from 11.30am to 5pm and I won't have anything to do during that time. So, I would love to meet some of my students who are now at the Kampar campus. I will be hanging loose at the canteen if I am not at somebody's PC surfing the Net!
I will give my contact number to Brian. So, please contact him to contact me!
Brian, please send me an email to marygp23@gmail.com and I will give you my contact number. Hope to see some of you soon!
I will give my contact number to Brian. So, please contact him to contact me!
Brian, please send me an email to marygp23@gmail.com and I will give you my contact number. Hope to see some of you soon!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Love Lost is Love Gained
At last, Fishie, I hear from you! I was wondering what happened to you. Glad to know that you are busy and enjoying your subjects! And dating your assignments! Who knows who will come along with those assignments! Until then, yes, I like that, Happy Singles' Day!
By the way, Brian, what is your blog address? I keyword searched Brother Bear and got a long list of Brother Bears but no Brian! I am quite curious to read your Valentine's Day blog!
Thank you for your compliment, Anonymous, and, hmmmmm..... . That's a difficult question you asked! I am not God, you know! I don't have all the answers! Just know a thing or two from some experience!
But, it is a good point that you raised. What happens when you love someone and that person loves someone else? Sigh! That's one of the worst things that could happen to you! But, that's reality isn't it?
Now, what was it that that ancient philosopher, Socrates said? "It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all!"
We hope things work out the way we want to, but when they don't, then we should make some adjustments as we go along. If the one we love, loves another, I guess the best thing to do is to forget and move on. No point waiting for love that is lost. I think everyone knows that. But, the issue is how we move on.
Some look for a willing partner on the rebound. Others swing to the other extreme and swear never to love again. Most settle for the next good thing that comes along. And, why not? Second best is better than nothing at all!
The only problem is when you settle for second best, and then the really good happens -- then, you have to deal with complications. I guess that's reality: you have to deal -- as best as you can -- with the issues at hand to lessen the pain.
Heartbreak can kill all loving. But, we can't guard against heartbreak; we just have to learn how to deal with it in such a way that we are still able to love.
My Valentine's Day message to my students was to encourage them to seek good relationships so that hurt and pain are lessened. They are starting out and they need to know that good things are out there ahead of them. Yet, I am fully aware that reality can and will deal a heavy hand. In the midst of good, though, it would be easier to cope with the pains and struggles of life we call reality.
Ok, enough of philosophising! There's a lot of living to do!
I forgot to add a picture to my Valentine's Day message (still haven't had time to get a camera!). So, I got one online and have uploaded it here. Enjoy!
By the way, Brian, what is your blog address? I keyword searched Brother Bear and got a long list of Brother Bears but no Brian! I am quite curious to read your Valentine's Day blog!
Thank you for your compliment, Anonymous, and, hmmmmm..... . That's a difficult question you asked! I am not God, you know! I don't have all the answers! Just know a thing or two from some experience!
But, it is a good point that you raised. What happens when you love someone and that person loves someone else? Sigh! That's one of the worst things that could happen to you! But, that's reality isn't it?
Now, what was it that that ancient philosopher, Socrates said? "It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all!"
We hope things work out the way we want to, but when they don't, then we should make some adjustments as we go along. If the one we love, loves another, I guess the best thing to do is to forget and move on. No point waiting for love that is lost. I think everyone knows that. But, the issue is how we move on.
Some look for a willing partner on the rebound. Others swing to the other extreme and swear never to love again. Most settle for the next good thing that comes along. And, why not? Second best is better than nothing at all!
The only problem is when you settle for second best, and then the really good happens -- then, you have to deal with complications. I guess that's reality: you have to deal -- as best as you can -- with the issues at hand to lessen the pain.
Heartbreak can kill all loving. But, we can't guard against heartbreak; we just have to learn how to deal with it in such a way that we are still able to love.
My Valentine's Day message to my students was to encourage them to seek good relationships so that hurt and pain are lessened. They are starting out and they need to know that good things are out there ahead of them. Yet, I am fully aware that reality can and will deal a heavy hand. In the midst of good, though, it would be easier to cope with the pains and struggles of life we call reality.
Ok, enough of philosophising! There's a lot of living to do!
I forgot to add a picture to my Valentine's Day message (still haven't had time to get a camera!). So, I got one online and have uploaded it here. Enjoy!
Friday, February 13, 2009
A Valentine for You, My Students -- When Love Comes Around
My friend, Kimmie, who visits this blog, asked me if I was going to write a Valentine's Day article. Well .... I thought, no. You see, I have not exactly been lucky in love. I get a great deal of unsolicited attention, most of it unwanted, but love? That has always eluded me! I figured if a man really loves me, he won't let me go. If he did, he is not worth holding on to. I let him go. (So, now you know why I am still single!)
Until recently. Then, I realised what I was missing. Now, I hope, again! And, I thought, maybe, I should write about love, after all! So, here's my piece. It is dedicated to all my students who endured through my classes!
Love is a wonderful thing, isn't it? But, you know, as we go chasing after it, we must make sure we don't equate it with sex or compatibility or companionship. The latter three are easy to get but to find love? That's a bit hard.
And, I have often wondered why? I think I have found the answer!
It all boils down to being unable to relate. When you can't relate, then, you can't communicate love. If you can't communicate love, you can't give it and someone or some people somewhere will go not having received it. Since they didn't receive it, they, themselves would be unable to give it, nor know how to receive it. And the cycle repeats.
Isn't that what happens when parents don't love their children? When brothers and sisters don't love each other. When husbands and wives don't love each other?
What happens? There is a lot of estrangement around. People can't relate and so don't connect. They become alone, isolated, dysfunctional beings deprived and starved of love, struggling and striving to give and receive love and somehow not getting it right.
What do you do when you are in that state? You have no choice but to seek alternatives. You can't connect, but in sex you find some semblance of a connection. You can't or don't want to connect emotionally, so you engage in casual sex. You think it is time to get married and haven't found a partner and you look for someone who is compatible, companiable and with whom you can have sex, and you settle down. Is there love in all of this? Yes, in some way. But, deep down you know it is not love as you really want it. But, you have made the choice.
Then, one day, you meet someone and love just happens and you realise what you have missed all along. But, it is too late because you are already committed to someone else. Or, because you didn't know how to relate and receive and give love, you didn't know how to handle love when it came to you. And, then, you have to consider separation and divorce. It is all very messy, isn't it? And, painful!
Wouldn't it be better to relate with the people around you as friends, and, when love happens you are free to enjoy it fully and freely? Even in such cases, sometimes, the relationships can't be because of specific irreconciliable differences, and both parties have to go their separate ways. It is sad but you have good memories of that person. You remember him or her with great fondness and will be thankful that there was no abuse of any sort. You leave the relationship enriched not deprived and better prepared for the real thing when it happens again and when it can be enjoyed.
On Valentine's Day today, that is what I want to wish for all of you whom I have taught. You are all at that age where you are discovering yourselves and others in terms of your feelings for them. I think it is a fantastic time to explore and discover. But, enjoy it through good friendships.
Don't look for sex, don't look for partners for the sake of having partners. Look for friends, good friends and relate with them with affection and respect. One day, you will find someone with whom love happens, and you will not regret!
For some, that day might come soon. For others, it might come later. And, for a few of you -- like me -- it may not come until after a very long time! But, don't despair. Live your life and build good abuse-free relationships because when love comes -- and, it will come when you are ready for it -- you will not regret! And, you will be thankful that you waited and didn't settle for second-best!
Happy Valentine's Day! Happy happy relating with one another!
Give me your comments! I would love to hear from you on this subject!
Until recently. Then, I realised what I was missing. Now, I hope, again! And, I thought, maybe, I should write about love, after all! So, here's my piece. It is dedicated to all my students who endured through my classes!
Love is a wonderful thing, isn't it? But, you know, as we go chasing after it, we must make sure we don't equate it with sex or compatibility or companionship. The latter three are easy to get but to find love? That's a bit hard.
And, I have often wondered why? I think I have found the answer!
It all boils down to being unable to relate. When you can't relate, then, you can't communicate love. If you can't communicate love, you can't give it and someone or some people somewhere will go not having received it. Since they didn't receive it, they, themselves would be unable to give it, nor know how to receive it. And the cycle repeats.
Isn't that what happens when parents don't love their children? When brothers and sisters don't love each other. When husbands and wives don't love each other?
What happens? There is a lot of estrangement around. People can't relate and so don't connect. They become alone, isolated, dysfunctional beings deprived and starved of love, struggling and striving to give and receive love and somehow not getting it right.
What do you do when you are in that state? You have no choice but to seek alternatives. You can't connect, but in sex you find some semblance of a connection. You can't or don't want to connect emotionally, so you engage in casual sex. You think it is time to get married and haven't found a partner and you look for someone who is compatible, companiable and with whom you can have sex, and you settle down. Is there love in all of this? Yes, in some way. But, deep down you know it is not love as you really want it. But, you have made the choice.
Then, one day, you meet someone and love just happens and you realise what you have missed all along. But, it is too late because you are already committed to someone else. Or, because you didn't know how to relate and receive and give love, you didn't know how to handle love when it came to you. And, then, you have to consider separation and divorce. It is all very messy, isn't it? And, painful!
Wouldn't it be better to relate with the people around you as friends, and, when love happens you are free to enjoy it fully and freely? Even in such cases, sometimes, the relationships can't be because of specific irreconciliable differences, and both parties have to go their separate ways. It is sad but you have good memories of that person. You remember him or her with great fondness and will be thankful that there was no abuse of any sort. You leave the relationship enriched not deprived and better prepared for the real thing when it happens again and when it can be enjoyed.
On Valentine's Day today, that is what I want to wish for all of you whom I have taught. You are all at that age where you are discovering yourselves and others in terms of your feelings for them. I think it is a fantastic time to explore and discover. But, enjoy it through good friendships.
Don't look for sex, don't look for partners for the sake of having partners. Look for friends, good friends and relate with them with affection and respect. One day, you will find someone with whom love happens, and you will not regret!
For some, that day might come soon. For others, it might come later. And, for a few of you -- like me -- it may not come until after a very long time! But, don't despair. Live your life and build good abuse-free relationships because when love comes -- and, it will come when you are ready for it -- you will not regret! And, you will be thankful that you waited and didn't settle for second-best!
Happy Valentine's Day! Happy happy relating with one another!
Give me your comments! I would love to hear from you on this subject!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Settling in
Kai Fu hitting it off with the lecturers? Really? Hmmmmmmm....... !!
So, you have settled into your programme, Brian? Or, still leaving your options open? It's good to explore and then settle on one area that you want to specialize in. I think things have a way of working out by themselves -- as we try out different things to find resolution!
By the way -- I thought I won't but now I think I will -- I will be writing a piece on Valentine's Day which will be posted on Friday. Please tell everyone about it because it is dedicated to all my students! But, oh, don't be disappointed if it doesn't turn out as expected!
So, you have settled into your programme, Brian? Or, still leaving your options open? It's good to explore and then settle on one area that you want to specialize in. I think things have a way of working out by themselves -- as we try out different things to find resolution!
By the way -- I thought I won't but now I think I will -- I will be writing a piece on Valentine's Day which will be posted on Friday. Please tell everyone about it because it is dedicated to all my students! But, oh, don't be disappointed if it doesn't turn out as expected!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Go Through Mum to Get Around Dad!
Mothers are wonderful, aren't they? Fathers (also wonderful -- in a different sort of way!) always want what is best for their children, especially their sons. They impose manly expectations on their sons, often subsuming their feelings and real interests for the greater good of "what is best for a man"! But, moms? They hear how their children's hearts are beating, don't they, Brian?
Looks like mum helped you work things out! That's a good strategy: go through mum! I have a suggestion but I don't know if it will help you, but it is worth thinking about. If there are electives in your degree programme, why not take those that are related to psychology and excel in them? You will be proving to your father that your interest is backed by good performance as well. And, he may realise that you have the determination to carve a future in that field! What do you think?
Tell Kai Fu the same thing. Switching to Business Administration is fine but if you don't have an area of specialization, once you graduate, you may have to start as a salesman first. Is he prepared to do that? If he has a specialization, like finance or economics (I think he will be good in either if he can get interested in them!), he could get a good position in the banking/finance system and through it -- with experience -- move anywhere in the world! I think he would fit into a life like that.
And, please tell him to stop skipping classes; he is ruining his reputation, after a 4GPA!
By the way, what did you mean by "If I fail 1/2" and "XD"? The jargon is beyond me!
Looks like mum helped you work things out! That's a good strategy: go through mum! I have a suggestion but I don't know if it will help you, but it is worth thinking about. If there are electives in your degree programme, why not take those that are related to psychology and excel in them? You will be proving to your father that your interest is backed by good performance as well. And, he may realise that you have the determination to carve a future in that field! What do you think?
Tell Kai Fu the same thing. Switching to Business Administration is fine but if you don't have an area of specialization, once you graduate, you may have to start as a salesman first. Is he prepared to do that? If he has a specialization, like finance or economics (I think he will be good in either if he can get interested in them!), he could get a good position in the banking/finance system and through it -- with experience -- move anywhere in the world! I think he would fit into a life like that.
And, please tell him to stop skipping classes; he is ruining his reputation, after a 4GPA!
By the way, what did you mean by "If I fail 1/2" and "XD"? The jargon is beyond me!
Hi! Shan Shan and Wee Shing!
Same to you, Shan Shan and Wee Shing! Nice to have you visiting my blog! Do visit and give your comments. Wee Shing, couldn't quite figure you out from your picture as it was a bit dark. Do you have a brighter pic of you? Then, I'll have a face to the name!
Shan Shan, enjoying Chinese New Year with slides? That's killing two birds with one stone! You had one week to enjoy and another to mug, didn't you? I am sure you made good use of your time! Anyway, exam's tomorrow. Do your best; you'll do fine!
Shan Shan, enjoying Chinese New Year with slides? That's killing two birds with one stone! You had one week to enjoy and another to mug, didn't you? I am sure you made good use of your time! Anyway, exam's tomorrow. Do your best; you'll do fine!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Happy Chinese New Year!
For all who will be celebrating the ushering in of the Chinese New Year of the Ox, have a great time with family, relatives and friends! Drive safely, don't drink too much, let bygones be bygones and start anew again! If you collect a lot of ang pow, enjoy it but think of those who don't have that much and do share a little!
Happy Chinese New Year!
Happy Chinese New Year!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Engish or Not?
Hi, Brian! First week in the programme and stressed out already?! Boy, that must be one tough course! Sheena's major is English? I didn't know that. How is Kai Fu managing? Does he feel the same way, too?
Some of your terms are quite foreign to me -- semantic noise! By "comp" I guess you mean "competition"? And, what do you mean by "accent English"? You mean they speak perfect British English?
BTW, who was first in English scores here in PJ?
Since you are already a counsellor and are interested in Psychology, that might be a better field to go into. And, if your coursemates speak excellent English, why is that a problem for you? You speak and write good English yourself! One of the ways to improve is to mix with people who are as good if not better than yourself. If you can handle the competition, you end up being just as good if not better! But, if you can't handle the competition, then it is better for you to find alternatives.
Think carefully before you decide. But, I think you will make the right decision. Keep me posted!
Some of your terms are quite foreign to me -- semantic noise! By "comp" I guess you mean "competition"? And, what do you mean by "accent English"? You mean they speak perfect British English?
BTW, who was first in English scores here in PJ?
Since you are already a counsellor and are interested in Psychology, that might be a better field to go into. And, if your coursemates speak excellent English, why is that a problem for you? You speak and write good English yourself! One of the ways to improve is to mix with people who are as good if not better than yourself. If you can handle the competition, you end up being just as good if not better! But, if you can't handle the competition, then it is better for you to find alternatives.
Think carefully before you decide. But, I think you will make the right decision. Keep me posted!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Mid-Year Get-Together
That sounds like a good idea, Brian! Ok, let's meet up mid-year. I think you will be able to get my UTAR email address to contact me. If you can't, just get it from Agnes and send me an email. I would rather communicate with you all via email rather than the blog because some of you don't read my blog!
When the semester starts, I know you will all be busy, and I wouldn't want to distract you. So, a mid-year get-together will be great! I will leave it to you, Brian, to get in touch with the others and organise this! Thanks for wanting to do this, Brian.
See you all soon!
When the semester starts, I know you will all be busy, and I wouldn't want to distract you. So, a mid-year get-together will be great! I will leave it to you, Brian, to get in touch with the others and organise this! Thanks for wanting to do this, Brian.
See you all soon!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Well Done and Best Wishes!
First and foremost, congratulations, Wong Kai Fu, for getting a GPA of 4! I am so glad to know that you are back in focus and able to do your best. I always believed you had it in you! I hope there will be many more semesters with a GPA of 4 or close to that so that your CGPA for your degree will be a 4 or near it! And, I hope it will get you a scholarship and encourage you to give your best to be the full measure of the person you are!
Ah, Fishie, running away from parents, huh? Don't do anything in Kampar that you would want to hide from your own children later on! But, enjoy the freedom to build good memories! Me, going to Kampar? For the moment, unlikely. But, who knows about the future!
What a pity I couldn't see you all before you left for Kampar. I know it was too late to plan for a get-together. But, never mind, do drop me a line by leaving a comment in my blog or send me an email. Infact, it would be better if you send me an email so that I can save your email addresses. And, when you come back to KL, visit me at PD block if you can. It would be nice to see you all one of these days. Keep in touch.
Until then, study hard, play, too and carpe diem!
Ah, Fishie, running away from parents, huh? Don't do anything in Kampar that you would want to hide from your own children later on! But, enjoy the freedom to build good memories! Me, going to Kampar? For the moment, unlikely. But, who knows about the future!
What a pity I couldn't see you all before you left for Kampar. I know it was too late to plan for a get-together. But, never mind, do drop me a line by leaving a comment in my blog or send me an email. Infact, it would be better if you send me an email so that I can save your email addresses. And, when you come back to KL, visit me at PD block if you can. It would be nice to see you all one of these days. Keep in touch.
Until then, study hard, play, too and carpe diem!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Recognise the Symptoms
Jeff, your comments are so fun! Kenny, I hope his comments help you. By the way, for your information, Jeff was headboy when we were in Sixth Form. And, we still keep in touch -- with a few others, too!
Anonymous is right. You need to know that the problem is depression before you can get help. Often, the depression sufferer won't know what he or she is going through. It helps a great deal if someone close recognises the symptoms and helps him or her to get help. That person must persist until the depression sufferer agrees to get help and, perhaps, even take the person to the therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist for the necessary help.
The symptoms vary depending on the degree of depression. Generally, they are a sadness that just won't go away, loss of interest or pleasure, overwhelming fear or helplessness, anxiety etc, etc, weight loss or weight gain, memory issues, tiredness and a whole lot of other symptoms. There are many websites that give information on depression, the symptoms and how to identify it. This is one website which gives a comprehensive explanation: http://www.iampanicked.com/anxiety-articles/symptoms-of-depression.htm
Generally, you feel these things which disable you from fully doing all the things a non-depression sufferer will do. In my case, I took on jobs that were under my capacity until I was able to cope.
Anonymous is right. You need to know that the problem is depression before you can get help. Often, the depression sufferer won't know what he or she is going through. It helps a great deal if someone close recognises the symptoms and helps him or her to get help. That person must persist until the depression sufferer agrees to get help and, perhaps, even take the person to the therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist for the necessary help.
The symptoms vary depending on the degree of depression. Generally, they are a sadness that just won't go away, loss of interest or pleasure, overwhelming fear or helplessness, anxiety etc, etc, weight loss or weight gain, memory issues, tiredness and a whole lot of other symptoms. There are many websites that give information on depression, the symptoms and how to identify it. This is one website which gives a comprehensive explanation: http://www.iampanicked.com/anxiety-articles/symptoms-of-depression.htm
Generally, you feel these things which disable you from fully doing all the things a non-depression sufferer will do. In my case, I took on jobs that were under my capacity until I was able to cope.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Thank You, Again
Thank you all of you for your comments. Michelle, good to know that you still read my blog although you left the boys and are now in another college. The boys are still being "the boys"! Maybe, you would like to join us, too, over coffee?
And, Kimmie, thanks again for your wonderful comments. It is all of you who make this blog count and encourage me to keep on writing!
And, Kimmie, thanks again for your wonderful comments. It is all of you who make this blog count and encourage me to keep on writing!
The Message Is: Get Help and LIVE!
Depression is an illness and like all illnesses we should get medical treatment to get better. That is the point of my previous article: If you are a depression sufferer, get help because with help you can still live a good life. THAT is my point: Get help and LIVE -- to the fullest!
I lived because I got help, unasked. The reason I didn't ask for help wasn't because I didn't need it. Nor because I thought, "Yes, I am suffering from depression but God will heal me!" No, I am not stupid! If for a simple bout of flu, I seek medical help, you can be sure that for something such as depression, I would have sought help. I would have prayed and got help! I didn't seek help because I didn't know that the problem was depression. I didn't know what was going on then because I was a mess!
I thought that the underlying problems were faith-related. You see, during that time, I had lost faith. I didn't believe. But, for some reason, I could not reject Jesus Christ because He lived and was a historical person. I figured that if He really is God He would have to show that to me through my human understanding, faulty though the latter is! And, I started to read the Bible to know what I could know. As I did that, a peculiar thing happened. I found out that when I approached the Bible from a position of rational thought, my internal stress remained. But, when I approached by faith and not rational thought my internal stress reduced.
Of course, my survival instincts intuitively told me to opt for the less stressful course which was to believe the Bible by faith, Consequently I found I was getting better. So, I exercised faith and got better day by day!
It was only much later when I realised that the problem was depression that I went to see a psychiatrist to confirm it. He said yes, it was depression but that the worst was over. It was then that I was overcome with overwhelming gratitude for what God had done. I thought I was addressing faith issues but through it I got the help I needed to get through depression. Only God could have done that. That was when I realised that He showed me who He really is. I am eternally grateful for what He has done and make no apologies for what I believe. This was my journey of faith. I didn't plan it; it happened the way it did.
Even then, I got medical help. I was on medication for a month and didn't have to go back again. By faith I was able to confront the demons of my past and booted them out. No more haunting from the past! That is how it has been since then!
The point I want to make now is simply this: If you are a depression sufferer get help. Infact, get all the help you can. I think depression is more prevalent than people are willing to admit. Instead of suffering quietly, get help and live. That is the point: Get all the help you can -- spiritual, emotional, physical and medical -- and live to the fullest!
Having said that, I want to add here that although I hate saying "goodbye", I do say them! Infact, some goodbyes are final and necessary. If someone close to you passes away or a bad relationship has to come to an end, it is better to say goodbye. As is normal, I hurt, but I recover. I let go and move on.
So, my dear Fishie, why be miserable? You are just going four hours north to Kampar! That is not "goodbye". That is: "Go, go. Do your thing and live it up! And, occasionally drop me a note about how you are." Keep in touch!
You know, some of my Form Six mates and our English Literature lecturer with whom we got on fabulously still keep in touch. When we were starting out on our careers we didn't have time to meet up. But, now that we are established and have more time on our hands, we meet up, like once a year, always around Christmas and it is fun. We are good company!
So, we can do the same, too. Why don't we meet up over coffee before you go off to Kampar? Get some of the others to join us -- like Agnes, Raagi, Raga (if his train from Kajang will come on time!), Kai Fu (especially, him!), Meng Leong, Brian and some of the others. I would like to see you all before you go off. We could meet at SP Corner or at any other place you like. Could you get in touch with them and organise it, Fishie? Agnes has my email so you can contact me immediately and I can give you my new phone number. I know it is a bit rushed but we could still make it. I would be free on Tues after 2, Wed after 4, Thurs after 3 and Fri after 4pm.
Shall we get together? I still am waiting for Kai Fu to buy me coffee under the banana tree!
I lived because I got help, unasked. The reason I didn't ask for help wasn't because I didn't need it. Nor because I thought, "Yes, I am suffering from depression but God will heal me!" No, I am not stupid! If for a simple bout of flu, I seek medical help, you can be sure that for something such as depression, I would have sought help. I would have prayed and got help! I didn't seek help because I didn't know that the problem was depression. I didn't know what was going on then because I was a mess!
I thought that the underlying problems were faith-related. You see, during that time, I had lost faith. I didn't believe. But, for some reason, I could not reject Jesus Christ because He lived and was a historical person. I figured that if He really is God He would have to show that to me through my human understanding, faulty though the latter is! And, I started to read the Bible to know what I could know. As I did that, a peculiar thing happened. I found out that when I approached the Bible from a position of rational thought, my internal stress remained. But, when I approached by faith and not rational thought my internal stress reduced.
Of course, my survival instincts intuitively told me to opt for the less stressful course which was to believe the Bible by faith, Consequently I found I was getting better. So, I exercised faith and got better day by day!
It was only much later when I realised that the problem was depression that I went to see a psychiatrist to confirm it. He said yes, it was depression but that the worst was over. It was then that I was overcome with overwhelming gratitude for what God had done. I thought I was addressing faith issues but through it I got the help I needed to get through depression. Only God could have done that. That was when I realised that He showed me who He really is. I am eternally grateful for what He has done and make no apologies for what I believe. This was my journey of faith. I didn't plan it; it happened the way it did.
Even then, I got medical help. I was on medication for a month and didn't have to go back again. By faith I was able to confront the demons of my past and booted them out. No more haunting from the past! That is how it has been since then!
The point I want to make now is simply this: If you are a depression sufferer get help. Infact, get all the help you can. I think depression is more prevalent than people are willing to admit. Instead of suffering quietly, get help and live. That is the point: Get all the help you can -- spiritual, emotional, physical and medical -- and live to the fullest!
Having said that, I want to add here that although I hate saying "goodbye", I do say them! Infact, some goodbyes are final and necessary. If someone close to you passes away or a bad relationship has to come to an end, it is better to say goodbye. As is normal, I hurt, but I recover. I let go and move on.
So, my dear Fishie, why be miserable? You are just going four hours north to Kampar! That is not "goodbye". That is: "Go, go. Do your thing and live it up! And, occasionally drop me a note about how you are." Keep in touch!
You know, some of my Form Six mates and our English Literature lecturer with whom we got on fabulously still keep in touch. When we were starting out on our careers we didn't have time to meet up. But, now that we are established and have more time on our hands, we meet up, like once a year, always around Christmas and it is fun. We are good company!
So, we can do the same, too. Why don't we meet up over coffee before you go off to Kampar? Get some of the others to join us -- like Agnes, Raagi, Raga (if his train from Kajang will come on time!), Kai Fu (especially, him!), Meng Leong, Brian and some of the others. I would like to see you all before you go off. We could meet at SP Corner or at any other place you like. Could you get in touch with them and organise it, Fishie? Agnes has my email so you can contact me immediately and I can give you my new phone number. I know it is a bit rushed but we could still make it. I would be free on Tues after 2, Wed after 4, Thurs after 3 and Fri after 4pm.
Shall we get together? I still am waiting for Kai Fu to buy me coffee under the banana tree!
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