That Final Goodbye and Hello, 2009, and Beyond

I am at a very happy place now....... .

But, I never forget where I have been. I don't forget those dark dreadful desolate days when you had barely enough will to make it through the day. When you summoned every iota of strength to just stay afloat -- emotionally. When it was one long melancholic night. When awful sadness was your constant companion. When slight stress threw you off your balance. When you had no energy to think of anything or anybody else except yourself because you were fighting to stay alive.

And, when you had to deal with loss all the time. I lost everyone close to me -- family members, relatives, friends, boyfriends -- in one way or another, through death, separation or plain parting of ways. I tripped every time it happened, and sank into that gut-ripping anguishing ache that took years from which to get out.

I lost a crucial part of my life to depression, during which time I could not sustain a relationship. There were many goodbyes then, and with each, I slipped back and relapsed. After a while, I just gave up trying to start a relationship.

But the point I want to make now is this: All that is far behind me because I healed. I healed! When I was going through all that I didn't know it was depression and that it was an illness that could be treated. I only knew the pain I was going through and did the only thing I knew to get better: I turned to God. I read the Bible and as I understood -- not by rational thought but by faith -- I acted accordingly. And, I got better. Each day got better.

There was no professional help and no medicine to alleviate the pain. Just simple steps of faith.

It was a long and arduous journey. Sometimes, I feel like I had hacked my way through some emotional Jurassic jungle. I have often wondered why I didn't lose my way and perish. I have no answer except that I called on the Name of God and He saved me. Trite though it may sound, it is the truth. I am eternally grateful to Him for saving me and no matter what doubts modern intellectuals cast on the existence of God, I know -- from the depths of my being -- I know, He exists because He helped me.

And, I came out of my depression. I know what it is like although I am unable to go back there anymore. I am completely healed. I no longer sink to those horrible damned depths. That downward route has simply vanished. My depression is history.

Now? Now, I am at a very good place. Emotionally stable and secure, my self-esteem restored. I am discovering myself and the things that I had shut out, again. I love what I am doing and looking forward to possibilities. The past is mostly forgotten. Once in a while, though, something will jolt it back into memory, like when I read Asohan's article and, then, I want to tell all the depression sufferers: Hang on in there; there's light at the end of the tunnel. I healed and came out of it. So, have countless others all over the world. And, so can you.

And, so can you, Asohan! This is the hope I want to give you: the light is ahead and you can reach it. So, Asohan, I am wishing that the new year will be full of hope for you -- that you will live to a ripe old age, see your daughters grow up and get married and have children and see your grand-children and, perhaps, even your great grandchildren. Because you are their history. And, I am wishing that their history will encourage them to live as fully as you will.

I am poised to seize everything life has to offer me. Some people say I may be getting old for that. They say that I should have done these things when I was younger. But when I was younger I couldn't. They say that only because they do not know what I know and where I have been. I am not going to waste time nor be constrained by the small-mindedness of people who do not know.

When I realised that I had lost a good part of my life to depression, I asked God to give me back the years I lost. Maybe, He is doing just that. Besides, why should we let age -- just a number -- define how we are to live? I think everyone at whatever age should get the better of whatever life throws at them. If we can get on top of it, we will be enriched by the experience and grow. If we can't handle it then it is best not to venture into it because you will only be making a spectacle of yourself and remain "ungrowing" -- if there is such a word!

My students exclaim incredulously that I look very young. I tell them: "It's a gift from God." It reminds me that, maybe, He is answering my prayers. That I have been given the chance to live again and enjoy all the things that I missed, especially the joys of relationships.

Because of my past, I have been so scared of losing people who get close to me that I have given up saying "hello!" for fear of saying "goodbye". I mean, the worst thing you can do to me is to say "goodbye" or exit without saying anything.

Well, this article is my last and final goodbye to that subterranean unexpressed fear that was exposed in the last moments of Christmas service. (By the way, this type of illumination is a very common Christian experience during services and prayer time. We call it divine illumination/revelation/intervention because when we act on it, things happen!)

From now on, I am going to affirm every good thing -- and every good relationship -- that comes my way. I am not going to say "goodbye", unless it is for a while only. From a temporary goodbye, another kind of hello can begin.

So, goodbye to goodbyes. My hellos have begun!

I have dedicated this article to you, Asohan, to let you know that you are not alone and that there are people rooting for you -- even strangers. And, I am hoping that those of you who read this article will pass the word around to those groping in the dark: There is light at the end of the tunnel, even when the tunnel seems neverending. There IS light. Believe it.

So, here's to you, Asohan, and us, and everyone else who has suffered estrangement of one sort or another. Not just to the survivors, but to us who will live. Here's to Life!

A Happy New Year and to a full life!

"Hello, everyone! And, helloooooooooooooooo............ 2009!
"Welcome!"

Happy Christmas Opens Up Something New For The Future

Ha, two new friends have sent me Christmas greetings! Fishie and Zhen! Zhen, you must be the "Zhen" from TC1! My Christmas turned out to be a happy family affair, tinged oh! so slightly by the fact that the new friends I made this year didn't send me any Christmas greetings! Except for Fishie and Zhen. Well, folks? What's happening? Can't wish a gal a happy Christmas greeting?! Don't want to keep in touch?

And, O, Kimmie, yes, what a glaring mistake! And, in the headline, too! That was an error. I have corrected it. The word should be spelt as I have corrected it now. There is no "n" before the "m". As for the "hottie"? Hmmmm.... maybe he will reply!

While Christmas turned out to be a happy affair, a couple of things happend that will determine how I am going to welcome 2009.

First, I caught up on sleep -- or, still catching up! But, sitting through the Christmas service, trying not to doze off, somewhere at the end, a very clear thought came to my mind: I should affirm the relationships God is giving me. My mind immediately woke up. I thought to myself: You mean I don't affirm the relationships that come my way? I wondered about it.

The Sunday after, I was reading Starmag when a heading caught my attention: Suicide diaries. It was an article written by a former colleague, A. Asohan, in his column, Stray Thoughts. He wrote about depression and whether jailing someone -- particularly a 16-year-old who had attempted suicide -- was really the solution to the problem. He shared some of his own experiences of suffering from depression and concluded that "we've got to remove the stigma from mental health problems and realise that many people need professional help these days, and there's nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist or psychiartrist to get it".

I couldn't agree with him more and my mind went back to those dark distant days when I battled depression on my own ...... .

Tomorrow: That Final Goodbye and Hello, 2009, and Beyond

The Silence is Deafening!

Folks! I have not received even one photograph! Don't I have readers who take pictures? O, dear, maybe I don't have enough readers! OK, ok. Take your time and get pictures. Send them to me when you can!

I am waiting in anticipation for your photographs!

By the way, Fishie, I am "cute"? I hope that is a compliment! And, Kenny, that was a good comment you wrote. And, if you want to be an American, please be one. Go chase after your dream. Better to dream and go for it than not to dream and be in a rut!

Rush Takes The Song Out Of Christmas!

December is my favourite month. When I was working as a journalist with The Star first and later The SUN, when December came, I would lightfoot into office with a skip in my steps and a carol on my lips. Christmas times a'coming, Christmas times a'coming. Lord, I'm going on leave! (In the actual song, the last line reads as Lord, I'm going home!)

My colleagues would get irritated at my unrestrained happiness because they had to bury their heads in their work and all that stress. But, I, I would be happy because that was when I would go on looonng leave while they held the fort! It was a very fair arrangement because at Chinese New Year, Hari Raya and Deepavali, I held the fort while they went on leave. But, at Christmas, I didn't care who was working as long as I could go on leave! And, so, I would book my leave well in advance.

So, when Christmas came around, I would be in high spirits. Christmas times a'coming, Christmas times a'coming. Lord, I'm going on leave! God bless you merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay ... ! Invariably, my colleagues would snort and snigger.

"O God, there she goes again. "
"Hey, we are working!"
"O, no! She can't be stopped!"

Do you hear what I hear? Said the little boy to the mighty king. I love December, the Christmas season. I enjoy the preparations, buying gifts for the little relatives and some old ones, too! Putting up the Christmas tree. Sprucing up my house, changing the curtains and cushion covers and adding the little Christmassy touches here and there. A poinsetia plant here. A bunch of flowers over there. Red table decor with fragrant candles.

Those days I used to sing in the Christmas specials my church used to organise. It was hectic but fun planning, practising and rehearsing for the big presentation. Then, on Christmas day, after service we would go off and have a nice meal somewhere.

Sometimes, I would have Christmas lunch or dinner and have friends over. Or, if I got too tired from all the running around, I would take a leisurely drive to my brother's place in Seremban on Christmas day because food would be served at the appropriate times there! And, of course, family would be around.

But, ever since I started teaching, Christmas has become a distressingly hurried affair. I teach during the semester that runs through the season. And, because of the several public holidays we have during this semester, most of the free time is taken doing replacement classes, especially in December. So, I don't have time to do all the things I enjoy doing in the runup to Christmas.

I am so rushed that I can't sing at Christmas anymore!

But, my students made Christmas day memorable. At the stroke of midnight, I got a stream of smses from my students wishing me "A Merry Christmas!" in the last two years I have been teaching.

This semester, however, the schedule got worse! I got a timetable that stresses me out because I have to wake up early and fight through the long morning jam to get to 8am classes on time three to four days a week! I have three 8am sessions one after another -- 8am on Tues, 8.30am on Tues and 8am on Thurs. And, I am not an early riser. I can stay up late but NOT get up early. And, if that wasn't bad enough, three of my replacement classes can only be held at 8am on three Fridays in December! Aaaarggghhh!

To make matters worse, my handbag got snatched on Nov 24 or was it Dec 1? I wasn't hurt. The thief opened the front passenger side door of my car and grabbed my bag. I was parked outside the SP Corner near my campus where I had gone for a cup of tea after a tutorial. Thank God I wasn't hurt.

Losing my bag and all my documents and about RM1,000 worth of digital camera and handphone were not as traumatic as running around replacing my cards and other documents. I finally got all that done and now I hang on to my handbag like dear life! It was emotionally draining.

And, it didn't help to know that some friends whom I had looked forward to seeing I may not see again. I thought by now I would get used to goodbyes. I guess I thought wrong.

I took some time to settle down. Today the schedule eased somewhat. So, I have started to write!

I still haven't finished my Christmas chores. But, I am making the celebrations very simple this year. The house is spruced up, but there will be no entertaining. I will cook a simple dinner for my brother who will be coming down. And, the next day, I will be heading to Seremban where I usually go when I don't have anything on in KL!

So, folks, that was the reason for the delay in updating warriorrose. But, I am back -- minus my camera. So, maybe, you can help me. Perhaps you could get some good pictures on Christmas here in Malaysia and email them to me at marygp23@gmail.com Please send the pix in JPEG files by or on Dec 23 so that I can upload them before Christmas. If you would like to write something about the pictures, feel free to do so. If you are my students, you should have no problems as I did teach you how to write caption stories!

But, of course, I reserve the right to publishing the pictures or the captions! Do, help out! And, looking forward to hearing from you!

To Dream Again -- The Obama Phenomenon

It looks like everyone who was all fired up and ready to go is all tired out! Obamamania has somewhat died down. While US President-Elect Barack Obama is busy putting together his team, the rest are recovering from the heady experience of electing the first African-American to the world's highest and most influential office.

Since he has already been elected, the world has to wait to see if he can lead and govern. Evidently, Americans are optimistic -- if you go by their votes. But, many are equally un-ecstatic! I asked some of my American friends for their opinions. Two replied, with differing views. Below are excerpts of what they said.

"American voters are shallow and most have no substance or don't know enough about the issues. They are more interested in rockstar wannabes. Granted the guy inspired a bunch of minorities to vote. But understand this fact ... the voter turnout rate while much higher than the average of 60% reached at most 65 - 67%. To be sure roughly33 - 35% of this went to Obama...that is about 1/3 of ALL registered voters. Is this a mandate? ....

" .... never in history has a man gotten the top job with so little experience using so much rhetoric...style over substance. I only question what message it sends...that you don't need to pay your dues, really service your country and get experience to get the top job...just play a good game... but can you govern? Say you are in a traumatic accident and you are facing a fresh doctor and one with 30 yrs experience who will operate on you. Who will you pick? Once again the morality of the American people is questioned ... there is no room for integrity, service to the nation, character, age and experience. Just do a nice song and dance. Feckless. Vacuous. Pubescent. That's the American psyche."

Jeffrey Lim (pictured above in his office), a Malaysian, is now an American citizen. He lives in San Francisco, managing a successful landscape design business. He describes himself as a "fiscal conservative and a social moderate" and he articulates what, I believe, are real issues that were swept aside by Obamamania.

The Mood For Change

Below is a short but pertinent extract from another American, a born-and-bred-in-America woman who had spent several years abroad. Ellen Broughton was a good friend when I studied in the States and will never forget the memorable graduation party she organised for me and my friends on graduation day. She has three very personable sons and the picture above shows the most recent picture of her with her youngest, Greg, in his dormitory at the University of Colarado where he is doing his undergraduate degree in engineering.

Ellen says: "I did vote for Obama. Thought he was the best of the two. We maybe need the Democratic party to do something new but it probably won't change much. And in 8 years, we will be ready for the Republicans again because we think the Democrats didn't do much. Ha!"

Ellen touches on what I feel is the reason Obama won the US elections: People are tired of the old tried and tested ways and want a refreshing change. The mood is for change -- even if it means a period of instability. It is a mood we can sense in our own country. The March 8 election is a case in point, when the electorate severely clipped the wings of the ruling Barisan Nasional (National Front) government.

We want the wrongs to be recognised so that they could be righted, while we enjoy what was achieved so far.

We want to go beyond where we have arrived -- not to discard those "old, tried and tested ways". They were, no doubt, successful. We see these successes all around us. But, these successes were obtained at a cost. And, people, no longer want to pay the price to sustain those successes. We want the successes and we want all those other issues that were sacrificed, neglected, ignored and relegated to secondary importance to take centrestage.

We want a new hope and, hopefully, a new order which is more just and fair and which creates opportunities to realise dreams we never dreamt we could dream.

Barack Obama inspired millions to dream again. He kindled the flicker of hope in millions who wanted to believe what could not, could be, but dared not, because the "old and tried ways" gave no expression to their voice. He affirmed that voice and worldwide we heard it: Change we need. Change we did.

Now, we wait to see if change will really happen. If it doesn't, as Ellen put it, the Republicans will be back in the White House and the old status quo returns. But, at least, a chance would have been given for change.

Franky, I, too, am in the mood for change. It would be nice for the BN (Barisan Nasional) government to be thrown out -- for just once -- and a new leadership installed. The new leaders would most likely come from the old guard in the Pakatan Rakyat. Let them be in power for two terms during which time they should train the next generation of leaders in the art of clean government.

During that time, Umno and its partners in the BN had better clean up their act and train a new crop of good leaders uncorrupted by the old ways.

Then, we, the people, will once again have the chance to vote for the people who can help us start afresh to dream again.

Do You Love Your Country?

Brian brought up an issue that is really telling. I don't think his parents are among the minority who are advising their children to go abroad and adding, "never come back"! Most parents are giving their children the same advice.

But these parents are NOT mostly Malays; they are mostly non-Malay parents, the first, second or third generation Malaysians of immigrants. They look at what is going in the country and they do not see a future for their children. And their advice is to jump the ship! The grass is greener elsewhere. And, it might be.

On the other hand, Malay parents are not giving their children similar advice. If they do, they form only a negligible minority. The majority of Malay parents want their children to seize all the opportunities that come their way and make the best of it. Of course, things are easier for them because of affirmative action in their favour.

But, even among them, the competition is stiff. The struggle is equally intense for the quota of opportunities allocated to Malays. Yet, their parents do not tell their children to jump ship. Why?
I think the answer will reveal just how "Malaysian" we are. If we were true-blue Malaysians, no matter how bad the situation is in the country, we would not have an exit strategy. At the back of our mind, we would not be saying, "Well, if we are not treated well here, we'll just leave!"

We won't jump ship, simply because we would be so deeply emotionally bonded with this soil that there would be no other country that can take her place. Malaysia is home. That bond would be so deeply etched in our psyche that the thought wouldn't even cross our minds. Instead, the question would be: Where would we go? This is our home!

But, how many of us non-Malays really feel this way about Malaysia? The non-Malay Malaysian truly has an immigrant mentality: when things get rough, hop onto the next plane and fly out! And, we live here without putting out deep roots that settles us. Instead, we try to make as much money as we can, putting aside money so that at any time we can always pack our bags, and buy a ticket to fly us out!

Why don't we stay put and fight for what is legitimately our citizenship rights? Why don't we drive an immovable stake in this country and make it truly ours? Yes, no doubt, it is tough. At every turn, we are curbed and intimidated. But, why don't we say, "This is my country. I am going to fight for what is rightfully mine. I am going to stand up and be counted. I am going to insist that I get what I need to be an equal in this country. And, I am going to do it without violence but by simply using my vote!"

Why don't we play an active part in the electoral process so that our requests are heard and answers delivered. Why don't we fight to be recognised as equal Malaysians, walking shoulder to shoulder with everyone without the spectre of racial discrimination? Why don't we invest in this country and develop it as our own beloved home?

Why don't we?

When more and more non-Malay Malaysians feel this way, I think it will eventually erode the racial divide. We will begin to think Malaysian, not Malay or non-Malay. Then, perhaps, this country will be able to harness the strengths inherent in our multi-cultural society and build a truly united and progressive society that will be the envy of all!

Now, wouldn't that be something to work towards?

The Real Underlying Reason Behind Extreme Government Action

Whenever the government takes extreme actions such as bundling people off to Kamunting under the ISA or banning organisations seeking the human right to assemble, I wonder if the underlying reason is a bunch of very vociferous government supporters.

Analysts can give a list of arguments for or against the action but I suspect the real reason is that these supporters raise such a ruckus of a hue and cry, that government leaders, notably top Umno leaders, have no choice but to give in to their demands. If they didn't, their own positions might be at risk.

So, it was not surprising that the government took a few days after the Prime Minister's Hari Raya open house before it decided to ban Hindraf for attending the open house to advance their cause. It took the leaders a couple of days to take in the ear-bashing they probably got. And then they decided, they had better act on it before they lose support and be thrown out in the next party elections!

It was a couple of days after the open house when Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak came out with his hard-hitting comments on the Hindraf presence at the open house. Calling them "biadab" (rude), with the strongest emotions, he said that "we" would not tolerate such behaviour.

This was followed by Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid's explanation for banning Hindraf. He said the government considered all aspects before banning Hindraf, adding that there had been calls from certain quarters who wanted immediate action.

That proves my point! Who are these "certain quarters" and why are they more important than public opinion?

The answer is simple. These are the very vocal Malay -- mostly Umno, I think -- supporters who -- very loudly --make an issue of what they describe as non-Malay ingratitude. They see Hindraf's action as just that. What they want to see is non-Malays knocking their heads on the ground as they walk past them. They can't bear to see non-Malays rise up to assert themselves as equals, walking shoulder to shoulder with everyone else.

When these "certain quarters" get upset -- for reasons which sometimes are beyond my understanding -- others had better back off because you just never know what they might do. So, it was not surprising that Umno leaders quickly backtracked and took "immediate action" and banned Hindraf.

If they didn't, who knows what might have happened. The leaders, definitely, would have lost the support that put them in the leadership positions in the first place. So, between risking the wrath of these "certain quarters" and their own leadership positions, and banning Hindraf, of course, the latter was a better and "softer" course of action.

Quite apparently, Umno leaders are unable to appease these "certain quarters". And that is the truth of the state of Umno Malay politics. The leaders have lost control of their base support. Some of these "certain quarters" could be a lot of people -- not necessarily Umno members -- out there somewhere who, when incensed, can resort to irreversibly regrettable actions.

Before they take things in their own hands, it might be better -- for the sake of "national security" -- to nip the crisis in the bud by packing off the more manageable of the problem-makers. In this case, between the "certain quarters" and Hindraf, the latter would be the lesser of the problems.

This, I believe, is the reason why the ISA is still used and legitimate organisations are banned. There are "certain quarters" -- everyone knows some of them are in Umno and others out of it -- who cannot be managed and controlled. To pacify them, other Malaysians must suffer.

This seemingly gross injustice will not end, not until these "certain quarters" are taught to magnanimously accept fellow Malaysians as equals. Only Umno can teach them that. Until they do, this "certain quarters" will be the unseen hand which will keep non-Malays as second-class citizens subserviently in check.

More Readers! Thank You!

How, wonderful! Michelle -- the only girl in the only TC class I am teaching this semester -- has become a reader of this blog. I take that as a compliment and hope you will find the postings here interesting!

And, Mengleong, yes, I read your comment but I wanted to talk with you personally but, somehow, I didn't see you. Yes, I was disappointed, too, that you didn't get an A. But that's the thing with exams. Sometimes, some things are beyond your control and you don't get what you worked for and expected. But, don't be too disappointed. Yours is a strong B so it would have affected your CGPA only marginally.

Rumour-mongering

Now, tell me, Brian, whoever started this rumour that I was going to the UTAR Kampar campus to teach English on the degree programme? Some people seem to see things that are not there! My degree is not in English and I don't have a Master's to teach on the degree programme. So, this rumour is just a rumour. Infact, it has been competely cooked up! There is absolutely not even an iota of truth in it!

But, I am glad you asked me directly about it. At least, you get the correct picture. I like city life. I am not going anywhere -- at least, for the moment.

By the way, are Brian and Fish the only ones who read my blog? O dear! Yet, I have about 290 profile views. Surely more people are reading? If you are, do drop in a comment once in a while. If you prefer to comment via email, then send your comments or questions to my following email: marygp23@gmail.com

In your email, indicate if you wouldn't mind if I published your comment, questions or content or parts of it and my response in my blog. If you do mind, I will respond via email. If I don't respond, it would be because it is mail I trash. If your comments or questions are sincere and legitimate, you can be sure of a response.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

These conversational posts will more or less end now. The proper posts will resume from next week. I hope it will include readers' comments and questions as well!

Personal Journeys

Hmmmmm! I read both your blogs, Brian and Fishie. And they are both good. Fishie could write a book on anime later on. Brian's is quite communal with some nice pix. Like they way you positioned your pix. You should teach me some day! You have a number up there, too, Brian. What does it mean? You have that many hits? Wow! Mine's nothing in comparision! Keep it up, both of you! They are both good diaries! They give me a glimpse of the kind of people you are.

That's what makes blogs so interesting. They are personal histories or personal journeys. We are all journeying, aren't we?

And, thanks, Fishie, about how to do the links. I will do that once I get some time and feel a bit more settled to try this "new thing". Will start on it after I have settled into the new semester.

Have some thoughts. Will write on it this Thursday.

May 2008 Writing for Mass Communication batch! Well Done!

Brian, Brian! A- is good! Your batch gave the best results so far. Your average was about the same as previous groups but only because most of you didn't do too well in Question 2. And, you are not entirely to be blamed for that because this was the first time I included filling in the blanks questions that tested for knowledge of mass communications jargon and you may not have been sufficiently prepared for what to expect despite me telling you all to learn off things by heart. You had to understand and know the terms precisely.

Yet, none of you failed. And, even better, the majority of you got into the B grade which says quite a bit about yourselves! Previously, the students were more or less equally distributed across the grades. But, this trimester, most of you got into the B-grade. That means you have proven to yourselves that you are capable of bettering yourselves! You all did very well! Congratulations!

Writing for Mass Communications is not an easy course. You need to understand content and have a good grasp of language in order to express yourselves. Yet, despite a difficult question in the exam, you maintained the course average!

If you want to know your true grades, just add about 5 - 10 marks to your final exam total and that will accurately reflect what all of you are capable of! All of you did very well. I am very proud of you! You have now set the bar and are a hard act to follow!

Don't worry too much about your grades. Remember this is only the foundation course where you learn to handle new things. If you can better your average in foundation, just think what you can achieve in your degree?! Be confident of what you are capable of and do better every next time!

You did well! Go, celebrate!

Comments on Comments!

Hey, that's cheating! Three of the comments by the same person -- Brother Bear!

Glad you are getting over the heartbreak. Being in a murderous mood is fine, but, please -- for everyone's sake -- don't express it!

I tried to get into your blog but for some reason couldn't. Why don't you and Fishie spell out your blog addresses. I will read it and comment. There must be some way we can read each other's blog from this blog. Any of you know how to do the link-up? If you do, please help out! You know what a dud I am when it comes to technical and mechanical things!

Just read your comments, Fishie. Good points of view. Well, Brian, if Fishie thinks you are strong, then, you are OK. She knows you better than I do. Ya, my blog suddenly turned into a counselling board -- but, just to help Brian out! But, he seems to be OK.

Well, Brian, you have to get used to people lining up to be with her. There are a lot of other fish in the sea. And you have the same chances -- and choices -- she has!

Love your comments, Fishie. I tend to agree with you -- our politics is geting smellier by the day!

By the way, there must be three different comments by three different people on Kenny's comment before I will give my analysis! That's the deal! So, hurry up with the comments!

Shinigami San!

So, Shinigami Iino Taiki-sama, what does your name mean? You are not Japanese, are you? If you are why don't you tell me who you are? You know who I am!

You have some good points. What is Anwar up to? Well, if four more people will make their comments on this blog, I will give my analysis after that!

My analysis may be worth waiting for! So, hurry up with the comments!

Happening Relationships

Why, Kimmie, I wish you were right! Being famous or being in demand! Unfortunately, dear, not many people read my blogs. Or, if they do, they don't indicate!

Like you, it was the same with me in relationships -- never found that one kindred spirit for the long haul! There was always a reason why it didn't work. The only thing I gained from all that is insight -- or hindsight! So, if it helps someone else, I am glad I can be of help.

But, personally, I am quite tired of reasons. Don't want explanations anymore. When you give reasons or excuses to justify or end a relationship, then, maybe, that relationship isn't happening. I like happening relationships. Relationships which unfold naturally from Point A to B and to the next level and the next and so on ...... !

It is like going on a long journey -- the long haul -- with the right travel companion. You don't know what to expect, but you do know whatever it is, you will embrace it because the company you are with will make it worth it!

That's where I am at, these days -- enjoying travelling and happening relationships!

By the way, are there no comments for Kenny's view of current politics? Looking forward to your comments!

Work It Out!

I understand what you are going through, Brian, but this is still something you need to sort out with Agnes privately. She may not want to be public about this and you need to be sensitive to her. And, thank God, you have friends to help out during this period.

Having said that, let me say this: Talk with her but be honest. Be honest first with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with others. If you are honest, you will communicate it to her and she will know you are being honest.

Honesty gives the other person the choice whether to stay with the relationship or leave it. And that is being magnanimous -- you don't manipulate the relationship to your advantage. It gives the partner the option to decide to accept you where you are at or to leave because he/she can't accept where you or she/he is at.

Whatever, the outcome, you have to come to terms with it. It may not be what you expected but it will be easier to bear because both partners have been honest.

I hope both of you grow to be better people through this experience and that things work out well for each.

And, Brian, if you want her real bad you will find a way to reach her!

Fish, Kenny and Politics

Nice to read your comment, Fish! Yours, too, Kenny. Since you like politics, why don't you -- Kenny -- write your views on the current situation in your comment and let's see what the others say?

Do write in a way that won't get you into trouble. I don't want to have you carted away by men in plainsclothes in the middle of the day or night and not know where you disappeared too!

Make sure the rest of you comment, you, Fish, esp!

You All Surprise Me!

Hi, Brian. Truly appreciate your comment. Yes, I agree. There is nothing in the 21st Century that is more broken than relationships -- whether it is a marriage, friendship or a familial relationship. And, it is most evident in marriages and relationships between men and women. Third persons have no problems cutting in. And, often, people in a relationship are open to getting what they don't get in that relationship from others. The result, as you say, is a breakdown.

Exclusivity is outdated! The notion that you should be committed and faithful to one person (the person you love and your partner of choice) and exclude all others has taken such a beating that people no longer value these characteristics in a relationship. And, that is really sad, because it is commitment and faithfulness that are the foundations of stability in a relationship.

Your comment truly surprises me. This trimester (May 2008) students keep springing surprises on me! You reveal a maturity that is refreshing and extremely welcoming. It shows that you are all learning and growing. And, you know what? It is learning and growing that keep us active and alive.

What do you mean, folks?

Dear all,

I was so happy to see four comments on my KK blog! But, what were you all talking about? And why are you all hiding behind pseudonyms? Can you reveal yourselves to me?

Impressions of KK

I did one of those quick weekend trips to Kota Kinabalu on one of Air Asia's GoHoliday packages because a good friend was down from the States and we wanted some catch-up time in a nice place. You know, kill two birds with one stone -- have a break and some time to bond!

KK was just perfect. We stayed at the Hyatt Regency on the waterfront with a lovely view of the sea. An island just off the shore made it a very protected seafront and the lighted wooden walkway was a pleasant place to sit and breathe in the fresh salty sea air. O, what a refreshing change from polluted Kuala Lumpur!

But the trip to KK wasn't exactly the best. Air Asia was on time. The weather was fine. But, it happened to be a dinner flight because we left at 7.30pm. Unfortunately, the inflight food station ran out of food and all that was left was maggi mee in a plastic cup!

I found out that Air Asia stocks the inflight food station from the base early in the morning and doesn't replenish during the day. Now, why don't they do that?

So, if you have a passenger like me who has to have all her meals but in small amounts, she will slip into shivers of hunger flying on Air Asia during meal times! My hands were so weak, I couldn't even hold the cup! But, I had no choice and settled for the maggi mee. Boy! Maggi mee never tasted so good! I was that hungry!

Air Asia really should do something to ensure that there is adequate food at its inflight food station throughout the day. At least some hearty sandwiches should be available on demand.

Perhaps Air Asia wants to promote its online catering service. There was an announcement saying that meals could be ordered online -- something I didn't know about before the flight. Well, I suppose I have to do just that or switch to MAS if I am going on longer flights and at meal times!

To add to that, the landing was also most uncomfortable. It seemed like the pilot was taking the aircraft down too soon or something like that because the pressure was building up in my eardrums and I wanted my ears to pop and they didn't! My ears seemed waterlogged right up to the next day and cleared only when I took in the mountain air at Kinabalu Park.

The return flight, however, was very pleasant. The landing was so smooth the passengers applauded. And, we were prepared. We ate well before we boarded the plane and came armed with sandwiches which we had on the bus which connected us from LCCT to KL Sentral!

For this trip I gave Air Asia a rating of 6 on a range of 10 because having food available at meal times is important for me! My friend, Bridget, however gave it an 8, saying that for the price it charged, it gave good quality service!

I told the Air Asia stewardess that I would be writing about this on my blog. So, Air Asia staff, if, somehow you got to my blog and are reading this, please, do take note and do something to stock your inflight mobile food station with sufficient food for all flights. You don't want hungry -- and angry -- passengers, do you?


Other Highlights


Check-in at Hyatt

The counter service at the Hyatt Regency was pleasant and friendly, and we had an interesting exchange of words.

Counter girl: We are giving you a smoking room ..
Myself: O, no! We both have sinusitis. We can't have a smoking room.
Counter girl: O, ... with king-size bed!
Myself: King-size bed? No, we are good friends. We want twin beds .....
Counter girl: (Emphasising) King-size bed!
Myself: We are friends. We want twin beds. If it were my husband, you can give me king-size bed. Does she look like my husband?
Giggles! By now another assistant had joined her and they were giggling together!
Counter girl: Ok, non-smoking room with twin beds!
Myself: (Not giving up!) With seaview?
Counter girl: Yes, with seaview. You can change later if you want to.
Myself: (Relieved!) O, no problem. That room is fine. And thank you very much!

We received a very warm and welcoming service from Hyatt Regency!

Kinabalu Park

What amazed me most about Kota Kinabalu was that its tourists' attractions were so well maintained that just for a moment you might have forgotten that you are in Malaysia!

In comparision to Peninsular Malaysia's much-to-be-desired maintenance culture, KK's tourists' spots are very well kept. And KK has more than a few attractions to boast of.

Kinabalu Park was one of them. This is a World Heritage Site and it lived up its reputation. It is a two-hour drive from KK and the last 20 minutes before the park is the most scenic. You get to see Mt Kinabalu.

It was a cloudy day when we drove up and through our cab window we spotted the peak. Not quite what I had expected. Just above it was another layer of clouds and it seemed like the sky was a dark blue behind the peak. The cab driver kept saying, "behind, behind." Then, I saw it. Wow, what an awesome sight. The peak we saw was the lower peak. Perhaps it was Low's Peak, but the "blue" behind it was Mt Kinabalu, towering above the other peaks with its own peak disappeared in the clouds.

It is a sight I will not forget. I have never seen a mountain so high. On the return trip, we saw its wind and rain-eroded gullied peak quite clearly because the clouds had cleared. It was a sharp point jutting into the sky. What a marvellous work of nature!

The park at the foothills of Mt Kinabalu was well-landscaped and clean. It is a lovely place to enjoy the cool crisp mountain air and walk up and down the road and through the typical equatorial mountain foliage. The place has a few eating places. We had tea and sandwiches at the cafe next to the starting point for treks up Mt Kinabalu.

The tea was served in a big mug that had a good two portions in it! And it tasted just like Mamak stall tea in the Klang Valley! In the cool mountain air, it was the perfect warm-up before we did some serious walking around the park.

Tanjung Aru

Then, we went to Tanjung Aru to watch the sun set. We had heard of Tanjung Aru's famous sunsets and wanted to see it. Unfortunately, it was a cloudy day and the sun was low on the horizon when we reached the beach. But, we were able to catch the lingering hues of the setting sun over a calm sea with gently rolling waves. Walking up and down the shoreline with the waves swirling around the ankles and disappearing through my toes had a calming effect on me. The sea does that to me. The sound of it is enough to lull frayed nerves.

Night fell and we sat by the beach and chatted over fresh juice.

Seafood dinner

We then headed back to KK for dinner. Stepped into the Port Seafood Restaurant and had 1kg of boiled prawns in sauce and 1/2kg fish for two. That was a mistake because it was too much for two people and it was neither tasty nor fresh and soft. We packed most of what we could not eat and give it to the Hyatt Regency counter staff.

Island hopping

The next day, we only had a couple of hours between breakfast and lunch (I mean, we had to eat before the flight since we were flying Air Asia!) and we had time to do only two things. Visit the Filipino bazaar and visit one island. We made a quick walk through the Filipino bazaar where I bought a pair of earrings and Bridget bought abalone. Then, we headed for Jesselton Jetty where we managed to get a boat to Mamutik where we spend about an hour.

Just a few feet from the shoreline, the sea bed dips and for an area of about the size of an Olympic-sized swimming pool, the seabed is covered with brown corals.

But before you get to the corals, you will be greeted by schools of colourful fishes! It was quite an experience swimming with the fishes. I saw a small group of swordfish swimming just below the surface. I swam further in and had quite a thrill swimming above the seabed of corals.

So, there. That was how I spent my short weekend in KK. But, what made it most enjoyable was the company. Bridget now lives in the States and I hadn't seen her for three years. So, it was good to catch up with her and enjoy the friendship amidst beautiful unspoilt scenery.

Answering TA1's comment

If the girl has a boyfriend .... think carefully! Is there any point in expressing your feelings for her? It may be a serious relationship that she is in and she may not be interested in you at all. And, there is no guarantee that her feelings would change even after you have expressed your feelings for her.

The only thing you would have gained is that you wouldn't be feeling so unbearably crazy about what you feel.

Normally, when a person feels very strong emotions, he or she will express them without any prompting. If you haven't reached that stage, it might be a good idea to say nothing at all.

Just as there is a point in expressing yourself, there is also a point in NOT expressing yourself. If you can contain your feelings, then, forget him/her and go your own way. That also shows you have a firm handle of your emotions and you won't get carried away!

Young Adults! A Word of Caution!

I know I said in an earlier blog that young adults should express themselves. And, I do mean it. If you have an opinion, an idea, a thought or a comment it is good to say it -- that's expressing youself. It is the same if you have feelings for another person and those feelings are driving you crazy! Express yourselves.

But, at the same time, think of ways of expressing yourself that will be acceptable to other people. They may disagree with you and reject your requests or advances (and, be prepared for that!), but, at least, they will respect you for being honest. And, more important than all that, you would have grown through it all. With practice (experience) you would have learnt to express honest feelings honestly and be unmanipulative about it because you do not control the response or outcome. You accept it and deal with it as it happens.

That is the important thing. You grow, learning to handle your thoughts and emotions and other people's responsibly. And you will be better people for that!

Good luck!

The Memorable Dark Knight

Yes, I got to see the latest Batman movie -- The Dark Knight. And, I enjoyed it immensely!

I enjoy movies. I like the larger-than-life experience. And, Batman packed the two-and-a-half hours of viewing with the right measure of excitement and thrill. It is one of those very few movies I watched which I didn't want to end. I wished the movie had just gone on and on!

The script was great and it was visually stimulating and thoroughly entertaining. No doubt, it had an overdose of violence, but in the context of the Joker's compassless morals, it seemed totally relevant. And, yes, the Joker's portrayal overshadowed Batman, but in a way that, too, was relevant as it showed that unbridled evil does not need an equivalent good to check it. Runaway evil can be checked by good -- even when it is unmatched as in this case.

Batman's good was paled by the Joker's senseless rage. But, in the end, it was enough to stop the evil Joker.

It really is a must-see movie. It is a well put together plot tracing evil vs good, within the social landscape of romance, political intrigue, public service, family ties, loyalty to colleagues, human weakness and betrayal.

My friend and I made an outing out of it. We met up for coffee and cupcakes at Cupcakes Chic at the Curve, followed by the movie, which was followed by a lovely dinner at Marche. The movie was great, the company was great, the ambience was great, and so was the food!

The pictures are of us next to the huge Batman poster which was dominated by the Joker.

Be Yourself

Well, Brian, you got it right. And young adults should express what they feel even if they are yet to know what that means. Express yourselves. It is part of exploring and discovering the world around you and about yourself and growing up. But, don't make any promises or commitments now unless you know the meaning of your intentions and actions and know the consequences and are willing to assume responsibility for them.

In time you will learn what your expressions mean. Then, you will learn when and why to hold back.

For the moment, just enjoy yourselves. Don't tie yourselves down with responsibilities as yet. All that will come later. For now, just be yourselves.

Closure

Now that I have got all that angst out of my system about Gabriels and Daniels, I feel much better! Then, going through my students' assignments, I came across one group's comments which finally settled the issue.

My students had to create an event for a press conference. One particular group decided to announce the launch of a new movie -- Impossible Is Possible. It featured a "tomboy" and a "sissy" who become an item and balance out each other's characters before they are accepted back into society.

What a refreshing view of people and relationships! Instead of expecting people to change, just go along with them and let the characters rub off on each other. The evolved characters would be exactly what I wanted -- people who changed.

The thing to note is that they changed in a relationship. Perhaps, that's the key: When we relate, something of each other rubs off to the other and we grow and change. In a close relationship, we often grow in the way that helps to build the other up.

All this simply tells me how important relationships are. I think it is the most important thing in life -- building relationships. A lot of things are achieved when we have good relationships -- with parents, siblings, relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbours, the public ... my students! Things begin to move, and, always for the better!

Thank you Brian, Ragy and Kai Fu for the depth of your perceptions about relationships! I think you are all better at it than I am!

Well -- thanks to you -- my issues with Daniels and Gabriels are now ended, and they won't be revisited. It is the close of a chapter in my life. I am moving on . . . !

Addendum

What I want to say about all these relationship issues is simply this: If people can't face up to problems in their relationships, and honestly confront them themselves and with the other party or parties concerned, invariably -- there are always exception to the rule -- you can trace it down to a lack of self-esteem.

Yes, the underlying reason for letting your fears or insecurities cripple you from being honest is -- I believe -- a lack of self-respect.
When you have self-respect, you like yourself and will not be too unduly disturbed if the other person doesn't like or respond to you the way you want to. You will  be able to accept the other side's response -- even if it hurts. But you won't fall apart. The response may be hard to face, but you will be able to face it because you like yourself and will not want to hurt yourself any more than you already have been hurt. You accept the reality ... and move on.

Self-respecting people seek honesty. They confront you for the truth because they can deal with it. They like themselves enough not to feel unstably rejected, disappointed, discouraged ...... etc, etc.

People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, will always skirt the issue because they really don't want to know the truth for fear of rejection, disappointment, disilllusion .... etc, etc. Unconsciously, they assume the worst and avoid honestly confronting the issue because they can't deal with it because they fear the outcome would be unbearable. So, they avoid confronting the other person to get at the root of the problem.

So, they never know the truth and live a lie -- assuming the other person's response is negative.

It really is a pity because the assumption may be wrong and the relationship may be estranged for no apparent reason other than because you chose to believe what seems rather than what is. You won't know for sure if what seems is truly what is unless you speak to the party or parties concerned.

Speaking to the other person -- communicating -- opens the way for honest clarifications and clears up a whole murky cloud of misunderstanding.

How do you build up self-esteeem? I think it begins by affirming yourself. We need to like who we are. We need people who will affirm us. It makes us realise that we are likeable people. Then, it becomes easier to affirm others. In doing so, we communicate to them that they are likeable, too.

So, you see, affirmation is a boost to self-respect. They co-exist. And both are a boost to hitting it off!

If we want healthy relationships where people are relating in honest communication, we first have to be self-respecting human beings. Then, it becomes easy to affirm another and a lot of relationship problems will evaporate into thin air!

We will actually become nice people to be with!

Hiya, Anonymous!

Good insight, Anonymous-Kenny! Nice to know you are still reading my postings! Enjoy the shows! Just because I am quite critical of them doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy them! I didn't know you love politics more! Well, it's getting very interesting these days, isn't it? But, I wish politicians will cut down on the politicking and get down to the business of running the country ..... . If I suddenly get hit by a bit of illumination on the current chaotic political situation, I may write something -- sometime in the future! So, Kenny, I guess you have to keep reading or chance on a political post in my blog!

As to the problem of people getting hurt from doing the right thing ... . Well, I always feel honesty makes it bearable. When you are honest you give the other person a chance to come to terms with the issue. It may hurt but the person knows the real reason behind the "why" and it would be easier to eventually find closure.

More about this in my next blog!

Great Comment!

My friend, Kimmie Kuan, wrote a lovely comment in my February CNY blog. Do take a look at it. It is a great piece of read! I wish more will write comments like that!

I haven't finished my series on relationships! My next blog will be an additional discussion on problem-resolution! Read about it over the weekend!

Still on TV: Of Gabriels and Daniels

There are two types of TV characters that I, somehow, can't be neutral to. Every time I see them, I react. I get angry! I tell myself, they are just TV characters -- not real. But, I just can't be pacified. When they appear on screen, I hit the ceiling.


These characters are the stupid women of Desperate Housewives and the wimpy man, Daniel, in Ugly Betty. I have been wondering why I react so negatively to them. I think I know the answer. They remind me of the stupid women and wimpy men in my life who stress me out!

How do they stress me out? Well, these two types of people share a common characteristic. When faced with a problem, both do everything else except what they should do -- the right thing! It is crystal clear to me what they should do to make things right. But, for some reason totally beyond my understanding, they never do it.


If their actions do not affect me, that's fine. But, when they do, I am left cleaning up the mess, and taking on more stress than I can handle! And stress is something I don't manage well. And, then, I hit! It's my way of ventilating -- like I am doing now!



But, really, I have good reasons to feel the way I do. Let's look at the women in Desperate Housewives. I have never seen a lot of women more stupid than them! I mean, look at the things they do! One laces cookies with a drug in a show of upmanship, one attempts suicide because she couldn't get the man she wanted, another cheats to drive her mother away, one straps herself with pillows to appear pregnant to protect her daughter and raise her grandchild as her own, one has sex with an underaged teenage boy to spite her husband, and yet another gets into a relationship with a man she doesn't love while still in love with the man she does loves!


My! What a mess! Granted, they are all trying to solve their problems as best as they can and not doing a good job of it! Instead, they heap on the problems, layer by layer with their stupid, desperate acts!

Of these women, no one can beat Gabriel, the character played by Eva Longoria. Gabriel marries the mayor but continues her affair with her first husband. When her current husband finds out and takes her out on a boating trip to talk things out, she throws him overboard thinking he was going to hurt her because he had found out about her affair with her ex-husband. The latter turns up, pulls the cuckolded mayor back on board. All three confront each other only to have Gabriel knock the mayor overboard accidently. This time, he doesn't surface.

And, what does Gabriel do? She plots with her ex-husband to cover up the episode by setting the boat adrift to make it look like he disappeared in a boating incident. It was an accident but she didn't have it in her to do the right thing. So, she commited a crime -- and, on TV, got away with it!

Of course, everyone knows why these women act this way: Desperate women do desperately stupid things because they are desperate!

What amazes me is that it doesn't take much to make these women desperate. The slightest thing they don't get is sufficient cause to get desperate and make a spectacle of themselves doing foolish things that in reality no self-respecting woman does.

Why don't they just stop to think? Maybe there is a better way to solve this problem? Do the right thing and face the consequences. But desperate women never do the right thing because they are too weak to face up to the consequences.

These are the women who will remain in short-changing relationships and never walk out because they are scared to be alone. They take demeaning jobs for the sake of extra cash because they think they can't get a decent job. They take it out on their children because they won't get help. They manipulate, scheme and bitch to solve their problems but never ever do the one thing they should do to get out of it -- do the right thing. They have no sense of what is right.

Because they won't do it, in my life, I end up having to sort things out for them and carry the stress of added responsibility -- while they go along on their merry way!

I now keep away from stupid women!

Wimpy men are no better. Daniel in Ugly Betty is the perfect epitome of the wimp who just can't do the right thing. Wilhelmina -- well, Wih-hell-mina -- only has to squeak and Daniel will buckle at the knees, and crumble, finding refuge doing everything he shouldn't do like sleeping with everybody and anybody, everywhere and anywhere.

But the one thing he should do -- hold his ground and stand up to Wilhellmina -- that, that he doesn't do.

Like stupid women, it doesn't take much for wimpy men to retreat and find the exit door. If you don't smile, that could wound, and be a good reason to make a quick U-turn and flee. Wimps spend an enormous amount of time licking their imaginary "wounds". I say "imaginary" because, in the first place, nobody wounded them. Wilhelmina only squeaked! She was just being herself!

Well, Wil-hell-mina is the classic "woman from hell". You don't expect anything more from her. She is from the Dark Side -- beyond redemption! But Daniel? He is portrayed as human - weak but with the potential to become a man -- finally -- but misses every chance he gets to affirm his potential.

That is the problem with wimps; they never seize the day -- never seize the chances they get. Instead, they give excuses. Their famous lines are: "She freaks me out!" or "I can't" or "I am unable" or "Not me!" or "I can't give." They depend on circumstances and if the circumstances don't prove conducive, they excuse themselves out the back door.

They never look within themselves for that steely strength to turn around, pitch their stake, hold their ground and level and eyeball with you. Eveybody else waits for them to do it -- like Betty who sees the potential in Daniel that he himself can't see. She is still waiting.

You see, Daniels give you a headache -- a neverending one because they rarely ever resolve issues quickly. Until they do, you have to find a way to live with headaches that won't go away. Other personality types also give you headaches! Like I give headaches to other people! But, somehow we can sort them out and after a while, the headache goes away. But not with the Daniels.

I now steer clear of wimps!

Daniels and Gabriels will never offer themselves as the solution to the problems. They would rather fumble and bungle than be seen taking the necessary tough stand. They never make that one decision that would end the problem once and for all. Instead, they hem and haw and flirt at the fringes, hoping the problem will go off by itself! It never does.

The image they convey to others is more important than looking bad and doing the right thing. They like to appear as the pretty -- if brainless -- sweet things, or the affable -- if limp -- Mr Nice Guy!

I wish they will just be real, face up to the issue and act. Instead of beating around the bush or letting desperation drive your brains out of your head.

Use your intelligence when desperate. You would be very surprised to find that you really have that resource at your disposal. Use it a few times, and you will find that there really are sensible, clever solutions to problems. Use it often, and you will find yourself having fewer problems.

And the stupid woman will become a smart, self-respecting person going on to a better life! They become more beautiful and desirable, and even better company!

Use your brawn -- both physical and emotional. Start getting tough. You would be very surprised to find yourself feeling good about yourself. Get tough a few more times, and suddenly you will find yourself straigtening up because your backbone gets stronger. Do it often, and you will find your backbone strong as steel and your head and shoulders above the rest, and people looking UP to you because you solve problems and get things done.

And the wimp will become a man of steel, holding his own, an admirable force to reckon with.

I suspect that wimps are NOT born. They become that way. Maybe they never saw their fathers or male mentors or male role models love their wives, or resolve problems or demolish obstacles. So, they have no concept of the practical things a man does to woo a woman or overcome a problem or remove an obstacle. Having no concept of these things, they grope in the dark looking for a solution and never find it.

A good place for wimps to start is to build relationships with the peers you like. Peers who care for you will tell you things your superiors or subordinates may not feel free to bring up. The trouble with wimps -- being men -- is that they can't find friends among men. Stupid women have a greater chance of changing because -- being women -- they always find a woman friend somewhere who will help them.

I wish wimps will change, grow up or grow a steely strength that would make them very attractive. They just need to start doing all those practical steps men take to get what they want and to get ahead -- and not be fearful of the consequuences. There is no gain if there is no risk. When they start taking risks, they may initially fumble but later, with practice, they become men of steel, an attractive balance of natural innate sensitivity and acquired strength learnt from practicing practical steps. They become the genuine gentle-men.

In my mind, these are the men of the future -- the ones who will define the new terms of 21st Century masculinity, having rejected the old. Unfortunately, they are yet to exist. They have been designed, but are yet to be formed. And, I am waiting for one to be formed.

I think the world will be a happier place if Gabriels will start using their brains and Daniels start using their brawn -- physical and emotional! There will be fewer problems and even less stress!

TV Is Getting On My Nerves!

Sometimes, I like to lounge in my sofa and take in some good TV -- like Prison Break, Heroes (my current favourite), Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives and nearly all the late night comedies -- when I have the time. I just let the mindlessness wash over me, while I engage in nothingness! It is quite relaxing, and I always end up similing to myself at the silliness on TV, so successful at grabbing the interests of the lowest common denominator!


Of late, though, TV hasn't been making me smile. Instead, I get incensed watching it! Some of their character portrayals and themes actually make me mad!


I mean, look at all that is played out on TV and you will realise that no TV programme makes a claim to the moral high ground. The story line, the themes, the characterization all glamourize the weaker aspects of being human. You know, it is human to cheat, steal, enjoy sex with umpteen partners, back-bite, stab and get even, get ahead at all costs, do drugs, fumble and stumble and all this is quite all right because you are just being human! And, it's funny, too! So, celebrate it! Don't be ashamed of it!


Fine, I agree, be human. But, must we sink into this moral-less state and give no thought of rising above it? After we sink -- as is human -- can't we not find some inner glow of hope to rise up and get the better of ourselves? Isn't that what humanity is all about? Choosing to grow and becoming better than what our circumstances would have us become?


But, not on TV. On TV, everyone breaks all the laws and gets away with it! The only laws where you don't get off scot free are the civil laws. But, when it comes to moral laws ... there's no such thing! Look at all the abusive parents, cheating spouses, philandering singles, horny seniors, vicious teenagers, thieving businessmen, suspect clergymen, scheming women and violent men. Do you recognize any of these people as "human"?


I really don't see anything human on TV anymore! I only see a great thrust to identify with the baser, weaker self. And, what is worst, is that they show it all off shamelessly as if it were the only naturally human thing to do.

Take Ugly Betty, for instance. In the last episode (which I watched because I was laid out on my back and had nothing else to do!), Betty attends a teenage dance night at her old high school, meets an admirer, and they both have a "fun" evening. " What was the "fun" here? He picks the lock of a glass case filled with trophies which included one which Betty had won as the Best Citizen in her year. She wanted to hold the trophy and he makes it happen for her. How? By breaking the law. Picking locks is not a serious crime in this case, but, it is nevertheless an offence. They get caught but get off without penalty.

And, what does Betty say at the end of it, even though she got caught? "It was fun!"

Great! Fun it was but is fun only fun when it is criminal or immoral? Somehow that is the implicit message in TV's screen themes. And, if we are not awakened to it, we will never be discerning enough to realise that TV is hoodwinking us into believing that identifying with our lesser nature is being truly human.

It is a similar theme in Desperate Housewives. These schemeing, manipulative women do everything their better selves should tell them not to do, but they don't seem to have that inner voice. They cheat, lie, scheme, bitch and make up after all that. Their justification? When women are desperate they do desperate things. And that is only human -- so, it seems that is what TV is preaching.

Is it human to sink into a compassless morass of morals but not human to rise above it by holding on to some rules of civil behaviour, and be a civilised person?

This is the recurrent sublimal message that TV is sending out to passive viewers day in and day out. Identifying with your lesser self is the human thing to do.

I don't know if people are aware of what they are exposing themselves to -- a daily diet of lower cheap thrills that completely obliterates the hope that we have it in ourselves to rise above our lesser selves and be better human beings.

But, you don't see that on TV. All you see is a glamourous descent into indecency passing off as simply being human. There is little, if any, saving grace in portraying the struggle people go through to rise above their circumstances. On most TV programmes, especially the ones coming from developed nations, the theme is constantly the everyday, rotten things people do because they are human.

The rest of the world is expected to accept it.

We, of course, can't change this. But we can wise up to it. We can understand this is what TV is communicating to us. And we can decide to choose to go along with it and, maybe, do the same or choose to see it for what it is and don't do the same. We can shoose NOT to follow TV values.

We can't live with eyes closed, shutting out influences that keep bombarding us. But, we can understand what is going on and choose not to follow.

Don't Get Sick On The Weekends

I was wiped out on my back the last 10 days. I got sick -- with what I don't know but I have ended up wheezing away! I hope all the medicine I am taking now will very soon put an end to the wheezing.


It all began with the sniffles. So, I took Carinox. While the latter stopped the sniffles, I began to sense a heavy head and fever. For two days I took panadol to bring the fever down and did steaming to get the phlegm out. On the second night, when my thermometer showed 102, I decided, enough of home remedies! And I went to the panel doctors.


It happened to be a Friday and a little past 10pm. My regular doctor, Dr Nagesh, had just got off duty so I saw this young locum. I told him my problem and without checking out my blood pressure and doing a chest examination and checking for a fever only after I asked him, he prescribed a course of antibiotics and something for the phlegm.


I dutifully took the medicine only to find myself oozing out with phlegm! I blew my nose away with huge tissue clutches of phlegm. It was so bad that I kept myself -- and my neighbours -- awake with all the coughing and sneezing I did through the night! The next morning, exhausted, I went to see the doctor. Again, Dr Nagesh wasn't in and I had to see another locum.


I told him my problem. This time, at least, he did a chest examination with his stethoscope and prescribed another course of antibiotics and some mucosolvan. Aha, now I will get better! But, I was to be disappointed. There was no relief. I kept blowing and blowing my nose and coughing and coughing. I persevered until I had completed the antibiotics, and went to see the doctor again.


Thank God! Dr Nagesh was in! She checked me out, put me on a nebulyser immediately, calmed me down and sent me off with three different types of drugs. I took the first dose of the prescription and breathed normally again! No more dragging coughing and sneezing! I slept like a baby that night and gradually began to get better. Thank God for Dr Nagesh!


The only residual problem left is the wheezing. But it is getting better and better.

What is the upshot of all this?


Well, if your regular doctor keeps a Mon-to-Fri or Mon-to-Sat afternoon schedule, just make sure you don't get sick on the weekends -- or you will end up at the mercy of locums who don't know anything about your medical history!

The Most Beautiful Sight in UTAR!

Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR) students are known for chit-chatting during lectures. Lecturers are used to delivering their presentations over a murmur of student chatter. I, however, find it most annoying, and my students are fully aware of my sentiments!

I really don't know why anybody should be chatting away when someone else is speaking, and, especially when that "somebody" is your lecturer. I am a bit schoolma'amish about this! So, my students constantly get an earful on classroom manners, ending in the conclusion which actually is the point I want to make, which is: "Please be quiet when I am teaching!" Hence, not surprisingly, my lecture classes are generally quieter than the rest! My students sit quietly -- as best as they can -- and wait impatiently for the lecture to end so that they can let out a howl of relief!

Don't get me wrong, I must interject here! It is not that I don't want my students to speak. I love questions from students, but not discourteous chatter!

But, in this semester which just ended, I had a group of students who surprised me with their contrary behaviour. They were attentive in class, asked questions, volunteered comments and responded to my questions. And, they didn't chit-chat during lectures! They exemplified my definition of good classroom manners!

And, in the last lecture of the semester, they did something that bowled me over! I gave the front page of The Star's classified section (Metro Classified) of various issues to each of the students to practise the reading skills of skimming and scanning. But, even before I could give them the instructions on what to do, I saw the most beautiful thing in UTAR.

Without any prompting, the chatter died down immediately. Heads bowed, attention focussed, faces in the pages, every student was engaged in the quiet activity of reading! There was not a sound in the lecture room. It was not the strangeness of pin-drop silence; it was the warm quiet of camaraderie of many individuals deeply engrossed in a mental activity of common interest -- reading the newspapers!

Every time I ask my students to do some reading and they immediately switch into chatter, I tell them: "No noise, please! Reading is an individual activity!" There will be a knowing gigle here and there!

But, when the students bent over newspapers, and began reading quietly simply because they were interested ... that was a treat!

I declared: "This is the most beautifual sight in all of UTAR!" There was not a response even to that -- because they were too engrossed reading!

I couldn't believe it! But, guys, that was a fitting finale to a very pleasant semester with all of you! Please continue to indulge in the lovely individual activity of reading!

A Pleasant Easter-Birthday

This year my birthday fell on Easter Sunday and it turned out to be a memorable day mainly because I wasn't all by myself. I went for sunrise service, chatted over a simple breakfast with fellow church members I hadn't see for a while and went home. A couple of hours later, my niece and her family came by and picked me up and we headed towards her father's (my second eldest brother) home in Seremban.

Not having to drive was the best present I had that day! Sharing the backseat with my grand-niece and grand-nephew was also enjoyable, especially since Aishyra brought her new puppy along in a box.

We reached my brother's home in time for lunch, followed by dessert which was the birthday's girl's cake -- compliments of my nephew, the doctor! Then we just sat around and chatted. My nephew's friends -- all up-and-coming surgeons -- were also there and it was interesting hearing them talk. Then there was the latest addition to the family -- little sad-faced Dusty. The kids enjoyed taking pictures of him with my digital camera. Above are a couple of their pictures.

One to note is the picture of the three generations of Pereira women: myself, my niece (left) and my grand-niece, Aishyra, with Dusty, her new-found pet which she has learnt to clean up after (taken by my grand-nephew Joshua)! Picture of Dusty taking forty winks was taken by Aishyra. The other picture was taken by me.

A Lesson for All

We can all learn a very important lesson from the just-concluded Malaysian General Elections: When you have been in leadership for a very long time and think you are very strong and invincible because of the kind of support backing you, unexpectedly, the carpet will be pulled quickly from under you, and you will fall -- and it will be an undignified fall!

See what has happened to the seemingly unsinkable Barisan Nasional. Overnight, the support that kept them in power for 50 years since independence vanished -- gone, kapputz! They are still reeling from the shock of realising that the support they assumed actually wasn't there.

Some people refer to it as the Hand of God. If it indeed is, He has definitely showed His displeasure and changed the status quo in one fell swoop! Woe on those who resisted! Look how many of them have fallen!

But, I don't think that this wind of change that is blowing through the country is as sudden as people make it out to be. The rumblings of dissent -- sure signs that things are not quite right -- have been there for a while. But, they were ignored, preempted and/or suppressed. And, that was the problem.

Leaders lost touch with the grassroots. They failed -- mainly because they distanced themselves from the people -- to read the signs correctly and early enough to correct themselves and change. They resisted, dug in their heels and entrenched themselves -- some, shamelessly, in the Name of God.

Well, it looks like God has spoken and it would be advisable for incumbent leadership -- especially the long-staying ones -- to take note of what has happened and act swiftly so that the same fate doesn't fall on them.

Recognise and welcome dissent because it offers a chance for change and rejuvenation. Instead of digging in your heels, step back, let go and surrender -- and embrace the changes. You will be showing magnanimity in leadership, something sorely missing in the leadership of today.

Open Letter to YB Hannah Yeoh

Dear YB Hannah,

Firstly, congratulations! And, it looks like the mainstream papers also like you! The Star featured you today, despite their screaming front-page story that did not make the DAP look so good!

But, back to the main purpose of this letter. I know you said that your priority would be to help the poor in the Subang Jaya state constituency. I totally support that and I think many of your constituents, would, too. However, having lived in Subang Jaya for the past 20 years, there are a number of things that need to be addressed. Let me list them down here and leave it to you to include them in your list of priorities:

1. Traffic: This is our major headache! Subang Jaya needs another exit to the Federal Highway -- not a flyover over it or through Sunway. But one to the Federal Highway near perhaps the SJMC. This will cut the number of cars from USJ using the sole exit at the former KFC. To facilitate this movement of traffic from USJ, it is also necessary to expand the Federal Highway lanes between the clock tower at Subang and Sungei Way.
2. Public Transport: This is another problem. Public transport needs to be beefed up so that the service is frequent and regular. If the LRT is going to be extended through Subang Jaya to USJ, there is a great need to establish an efficient and fast feeder bus service so that the LRT stations are not crowded with cars.
3. Stall licences: Issue more licences so that Subang Jayans can earn an honest living in Subang Jaya. Issue licences based on need rather than race. Allocate places for stall owners to operate legally without being harassed by authorities. But, when issuing stall licences, please make sure that they are not located in places where they obstruct traffic flow.
4. Security: Petty and snatch thefts are frequent occurrences here. At the risk of sounding racist, (but, in fact, I am not!) this is mainly because of the big immigrant population in the cheaper flats and apartments available in USJ which are conveniently located close to commercial centres (Please feel free to correct me!). Some kind of zoning needs to be done so that commercial centres are placed comfortably at a distance from residential areas. And, of course, we need better policing!
5. Unwanted mail: There is an unnecessary amount of junk mail stuffed in our mailboxes. I sugest that some law be introduced to stop people from cramming unwanted mail into our mailboxes!
6. RATS! This is a problem no one wants to see here! But the area, especially the drains and gutters are teeming with these creatures and their close relatives, the chipmunks! City and town councils should regularly fumigate these places so that this menace is wiped out of the face of the earth!
7. The last problem is a very, very small issue but a nagging one! Garbage collectors clean out garbage bins but they do not latch back the doors of the garbage chambers! This is an easily solved problem: Just tell them to latch back the doors!

That is all! I hope YB will do something about these frustrating aspects of living in the Subang Jaya constituency. If these issues are resolved, I think, the Subang Jaya-USJ area will be a model town for all Malaysians!

Who knows? Other towns will follow suit and before long all of Malaysia will become a progressive, safe and clean place to live in!

Good Luck!