Well, Brian, you got it right. And young adults should express what they feel even if they are yet to know what that means. Express yourselves. It is part of exploring and discovering the world around you and about yourself and growing up. But, don't make any promises or commitments now unless you know the meaning of your intentions and actions and know the consequences and are willing to assume responsibility for them.
In time you will learn what your expressions mean. Then, you will learn when and why to hold back.
For the moment, just enjoy yourselves. Don't tie yourselves down with responsibilities as yet. All that will come later. For now, just be yourselves.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Closure
Now that I have got all that angst out of my system about Gabriels and Daniels, I feel much better! Then, going through my students' assignments, I came across one group's comments which finally settled the issue.
My students had to create an event for a press conference. One particular group decided to announce the launch of a new movie -- Impossible Is Possible. It featured a "tomboy" and a "sissy" who become an item and balance out each other's characters before they are accepted back into society.
What a refreshing view of people and relationships! Instead of expecting people to change, just go along with them and let the characters rub off on each other. The evolved characters would be exactly what I wanted -- people who changed.
The thing to note is that they changed in a relationship. Perhaps, that's the key: When we relate, something of each other rubs off to the other and we grow and change. In a close relationship, we often grow in the way that helps to build the other up.
All this simply tells me how important relationships are. I think it is the most important thing in life -- building relationships. A lot of things are achieved when we have good relationships -- with parents, siblings, relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbours, the public ... my students! Things begin to move, and, always for the better!
Thank you Brian, Ragy and Kai Fu for the depth of your perceptions about relationships! I think you are all better at it than I am!
Well -- thanks to you -- my issues with Daniels and Gabriels are now ended, and they won't be revisited. It is the close of a chapter in my life. I am moving on . . . !
My students had to create an event for a press conference. One particular group decided to announce the launch of a new movie -- Impossible Is Possible. It featured a "tomboy" and a "sissy" who become an item and balance out each other's characters before they are accepted back into society.
What a refreshing view of people and relationships! Instead of expecting people to change, just go along with them and let the characters rub off on each other. The evolved characters would be exactly what I wanted -- people who changed.
The thing to note is that they changed in a relationship. Perhaps, that's the key: When we relate, something of each other rubs off to the other and we grow and change. In a close relationship, we often grow in the way that helps to build the other up.
All this simply tells me how important relationships are. I think it is the most important thing in life -- building relationships. A lot of things are achieved when we have good relationships -- with parents, siblings, relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbours, the public ... my students! Things begin to move, and, always for the better!
Thank you Brian, Ragy and Kai Fu for the depth of your perceptions about relationships! I think you are all better at it than I am!
Well -- thanks to you -- my issues with Daniels and Gabriels are now ended, and they won't be revisited. It is the close of a chapter in my life. I am moving on . . . !
Friday, July 4, 2008
Addendum
What I want to say about all these relationship issues is simply this: If people can't face up to problems in their relationships, and honestly confront them themselves and with the other party or parties concerned, invariably -- there are always exception to the rule -- you can trace it down to a lack of self-esteem.
Yes, the underlying reason for letting your fears or insecurities cripple you from being honest is -- I believe -- a lack of self-respect.
When you have self-respect, you like yourself and will not be too unduly disturbed if the other person doesn't like or respond to you the way you want to. You will be able to accept the other side's response -- even if it hurts. But you won't fall apart. The response may be hard to face, but you will be able to face it because you like yourself and will not want to hurt yourself any more than you already have been hurt. You accept the reality ... and move on.
Self-respecting people seek honesty. They confront you for the truth because they can deal with it. They like themselves enough not to feel unstably rejected, disappointed, discouraged ...... etc, etc.
People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, will always skirt the issue because they really don't want to know the truth for fear of rejection, disappointment, disilllusion .... etc, etc. Unconsciously, they assume the worst and avoid honestly confronting the issue because they can't deal with it because they fear the outcome would be unbearable. So, they avoid confronting the other person to get at the root of the problem.
So, they never know the truth and live a lie -- assuming the other person's response is negative.
It really is a pity because the assumption may be wrong and the relationship may be estranged for no apparent reason other than because you chose to believe what seems rather than what is. You won't know for sure if what seems is truly what is unless you speak to the party or parties concerned.
Speaking to the other person -- communicating -- opens the way for honest clarifications and clears up a whole murky cloud of misunderstanding.
How do you build up self-esteeem? I think it begins by affirming yourself. We need to like who we are. We need people who will affirm us. It makes us realise that we are likeable people. Then, it becomes easier to affirm others. In doing so, we communicate to them that they are likeable, too.
So, you see, affirmation is a boost to self-respect. They co-exist. And both are a boost to hitting it off!
If we want healthy relationships where people are relating in honest communication, we first have to be self-respecting human beings. Then, it becomes easy to affirm another and a lot of relationship problems will evaporate into thin air!
We will actually become nice people to be with!
Yes, the underlying reason for letting your fears or insecurities cripple you from being honest is -- I believe -- a lack of self-respect.
When you have self-respect, you like yourself and will not be too unduly disturbed if the other person doesn't like or respond to you the way you want to. You will be able to accept the other side's response -- even if it hurts. But you won't fall apart. The response may be hard to face, but you will be able to face it because you like yourself and will not want to hurt yourself any more than you already have been hurt. You accept the reality ... and move on.
Self-respecting people seek honesty. They confront you for the truth because they can deal with it. They like themselves enough not to feel unstably rejected, disappointed, discouraged ...... etc, etc.
People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, will always skirt the issue because they really don't want to know the truth for fear of rejection, disappointment, disilllusion .... etc, etc. Unconsciously, they assume the worst and avoid honestly confronting the issue because they can't deal with it because they fear the outcome would be unbearable. So, they avoid confronting the other person to get at the root of the problem.
So, they never know the truth and live a lie -- assuming the other person's response is negative.
It really is a pity because the assumption may be wrong and the relationship may be estranged for no apparent reason other than because you chose to believe what seems rather than what is. You won't know for sure if what seems is truly what is unless you speak to the party or parties concerned.
Speaking to the other person -- communicating -- opens the way for honest clarifications and clears up a whole murky cloud of misunderstanding.
How do you build up self-esteeem? I think it begins by affirming yourself. We need to like who we are. We need people who will affirm us. It makes us realise that we are likeable people. Then, it becomes easier to affirm others. In doing so, we communicate to them that they are likeable, too.
So, you see, affirmation is a boost to self-respect. They co-exist. And both are a boost to hitting it off!
If we want healthy relationships where people are relating in honest communication, we first have to be self-respecting human beings. Then, it becomes easy to affirm another and a lot of relationship problems will evaporate into thin air!
We will actually become nice people to be with!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Hiya, Anonymous!
Good insight, Anonymous-Kenny! Nice to know you are still reading my postings! Enjoy the shows! Just because I am quite critical of them doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy them! I didn't know you love politics more! Well, it's getting very interesting these days, isn't it? But, I wish politicians will cut down on the politicking and get down to the business of running the country ..... . If I suddenly get hit by a bit of illumination on the current chaotic political situation, I may write something -- sometime in the future! So, Kenny, I guess you have to keep reading or chance on a political post in my blog!
As to the problem of people getting hurt from doing the right thing ... . Well, I always feel honesty makes it bearable. When you are honest you give the other person a chance to come to terms with the issue. It may hurt but the person knows the real reason behind the "why" and it would be easier to eventually find closure.
More about this in my next blog!
As to the problem of people getting hurt from doing the right thing ... . Well, I always feel honesty makes it bearable. When you are honest you give the other person a chance to come to terms with the issue. It may hurt but the person knows the real reason behind the "why" and it would be easier to eventually find closure.
More about this in my next blog!
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