Loss is not Lost

Loss is something I am very familiar with. In the last two decades, I have lost everyone close to me in one way or another. You have no choice but to cope with it. But, I think I lost something human along the way of coping with death and separation. Somehow, in the coping, without realising it -- perhaps, it's an involuntary defence mechanism -- at the back of your head somewhere, you relate as if you won't get hurt if the other party leaves. You always leave that option open -- that person may opt out for one reason or another. And, I learnt never to close that door. So, if someone wants to leave, he or she is free .... .

It is a good way to cope but not a great way to live! If you lose someone here, it does not mean that you will lose another there. It is something I am consciously learning to believe. Some things I have to let go. With other things, I am learning to open and close the door of my options. With people who enter my life, I now close the door after them -- to let them know that the door is not open for them to leave anytime! If I leave the door open, they may think that I want them to leave!

But, if -- despite closing the door -- they want to leave, I will open the door for them. Now, at least, they are leaving because they want to, not because they think I want them to.

It is a strange psychology of social relations. But social deprivation can do strange things to you.

Why am I writing about this? Because I see loss all around me. And, I see people becoming lost from all the loss. And I think it is not right for the living to be so lost. We won't be living any more. I think we need to keep on opening the door and closing after those who enter -- and take the risk that they may want out sometime. We live when we take the risk. And, I think that's all that matters: That we live, and live to the fullest.