Still on TV: Of Gabriels and Daniels

There are two types of TV characters that I, somehow, can't be neutral to. Every time I see them, I react. I get angry! I tell myself, they are just TV characters -- not real. But, I just can't be pacified. When they appear on screen, I hit the ceiling.


These characters are the stupid women of Desperate Housewives and the wimpy man, Daniel, in Ugly Betty. I have been wondering why I react so negatively to them. I think I know the answer. They remind me of the stupid women and wimpy men in my life who stress me out!

How do they stress me out? Well, these two types of people share a common characteristic. When faced with a problem, both do everything else except what they should do -- the right thing! It is crystal clear to me what they should do to make things right. But, for some reason totally beyond my understanding, they never do it.


If their actions do not affect me, that's fine. But, when they do, I am left cleaning up the mess, and taking on more stress than I can handle! And stress is something I don't manage well. And, then, I hit! It's my way of ventilating -- like I am doing now!



But, really, I have good reasons to feel the way I do. Let's look at the women in Desperate Housewives. I have never seen a lot of women more stupid than them! I mean, look at the things they do! One laces cookies with a drug in a show of upmanship, one attempts suicide because she couldn't get the man she wanted, another cheats to drive her mother away, one straps herself with pillows to appear pregnant to protect her daughter and raise her grandchild as her own, one has sex with an underaged teenage boy to spite her husband, and yet another gets into a relationship with a man she doesn't love while still in love with the man she does loves!


My! What a mess! Granted, they are all trying to solve their problems as best as they can and not doing a good job of it! Instead, they heap on the problems, layer by layer with their stupid, desperate acts!

Of these women, no one can beat Gabriel, the character played by Eva Longoria. Gabriel marries the mayor but continues her affair with her first husband. When her current husband finds out and takes her out on a boating trip to talk things out, she throws him overboard thinking he was going to hurt her because he had found out about her affair with her ex-husband. The latter turns up, pulls the cuckolded mayor back on board. All three confront each other only to have Gabriel knock the mayor overboard accidently. This time, he doesn't surface.

And, what does Gabriel do? She plots with her ex-husband to cover up the episode by setting the boat adrift to make it look like he disappeared in a boating incident. It was an accident but she didn't have it in her to do the right thing. So, she commited a crime -- and, on TV, got away with it!

Of course, everyone knows why these women act this way: Desperate women do desperately stupid things because they are desperate!

What amazes me is that it doesn't take much to make these women desperate. The slightest thing they don't get is sufficient cause to get desperate and make a spectacle of themselves doing foolish things that in reality no self-respecting woman does.

Why don't they just stop to think? Maybe there is a better way to solve this problem? Do the right thing and face the consequences. But desperate women never do the right thing because they are too weak to face up to the consequences.

These are the women who will remain in short-changing relationships and never walk out because they are scared to be alone. They take demeaning jobs for the sake of extra cash because they think they can't get a decent job. They take it out on their children because they won't get help. They manipulate, scheme and bitch to solve their problems but never ever do the one thing they should do to get out of it -- do the right thing. They have no sense of what is right.

Because they won't do it, in my life, I end up having to sort things out for them and carry the stress of added responsibility -- while they go along on their merry way!

I now keep away from stupid women!

Wimpy men are no better. Daniel in Ugly Betty is the perfect epitome of the wimp who just can't do the right thing. Wilhelmina -- well, Wih-hell-mina -- only has to squeak and Daniel will buckle at the knees, and crumble, finding refuge doing everything he shouldn't do like sleeping with everybody and anybody, everywhere and anywhere.

But the one thing he should do -- hold his ground and stand up to Wilhellmina -- that, that he doesn't do.

Like stupid women, it doesn't take much for wimpy men to retreat and find the exit door. If you don't smile, that could wound, and be a good reason to make a quick U-turn and flee. Wimps spend an enormous amount of time licking their imaginary "wounds". I say "imaginary" because, in the first place, nobody wounded them. Wilhelmina only squeaked! She was just being herself!

Well, Wil-hell-mina is the classic "woman from hell". You don't expect anything more from her. She is from the Dark Side -- beyond redemption! But Daniel? He is portrayed as human - weak but with the potential to become a man -- finally -- but misses every chance he gets to affirm his potential.

That is the problem with wimps; they never seize the day -- never seize the chances they get. Instead, they give excuses. Their famous lines are: "She freaks me out!" or "I can't" or "I am unable" or "Not me!" or "I can't give." They depend on circumstances and if the circumstances don't prove conducive, they excuse themselves out the back door.

They never look within themselves for that steely strength to turn around, pitch their stake, hold their ground and level and eyeball with you. Eveybody else waits for them to do it -- like Betty who sees the potential in Daniel that he himself can't see. She is still waiting.

You see, Daniels give you a headache -- a neverending one because they rarely ever resolve issues quickly. Until they do, you have to find a way to live with headaches that won't go away. Other personality types also give you headaches! Like I give headaches to other people! But, somehow we can sort them out and after a while, the headache goes away. But not with the Daniels.

I now steer clear of wimps!

Daniels and Gabriels will never offer themselves as the solution to the problems. They would rather fumble and bungle than be seen taking the necessary tough stand. They never make that one decision that would end the problem once and for all. Instead, they hem and haw and flirt at the fringes, hoping the problem will go off by itself! It never does.

The image they convey to others is more important than looking bad and doing the right thing. They like to appear as the pretty -- if brainless -- sweet things, or the affable -- if limp -- Mr Nice Guy!

I wish they will just be real, face up to the issue and act. Instead of beating around the bush or letting desperation drive your brains out of your head.

Use your intelligence when desperate. You would be very surprised to find that you really have that resource at your disposal. Use it a few times, and you will find that there really are sensible, clever solutions to problems. Use it often, and you will find yourself having fewer problems.

And the stupid woman will become a smart, self-respecting person going on to a better life! They become more beautiful and desirable, and even better company!

Use your brawn -- both physical and emotional. Start getting tough. You would be very surprised to find yourself feeling good about yourself. Get tough a few more times, and suddenly you will find yourself straigtening up because your backbone gets stronger. Do it often, and you will find your backbone strong as steel and your head and shoulders above the rest, and people looking UP to you because you solve problems and get things done.

And the wimp will become a man of steel, holding his own, an admirable force to reckon with.

I suspect that wimps are NOT born. They become that way. Maybe they never saw their fathers or male mentors or male role models love their wives, or resolve problems or demolish obstacles. So, they have no concept of the practical things a man does to woo a woman or overcome a problem or remove an obstacle. Having no concept of these things, they grope in the dark looking for a solution and never find it.

A good place for wimps to start is to build relationships with the peers you like. Peers who care for you will tell you things your superiors or subordinates may not feel free to bring up. The trouble with wimps -- being men -- is that they can't find friends among men. Stupid women have a greater chance of changing because -- being women -- they always find a woman friend somewhere who will help them.

I wish wimps will change, grow up or grow a steely strength that would make them very attractive. They just need to start doing all those practical steps men take to get what they want and to get ahead -- and not be fearful of the consequuences. There is no gain if there is no risk. When they start taking risks, they may initially fumble but later, with practice, they become men of steel, an attractive balance of natural innate sensitivity and acquired strength learnt from practicing practical steps. They become the genuine gentle-men.

In my mind, these are the men of the future -- the ones who will define the new terms of 21st Century masculinity, having rejected the old. Unfortunately, they are yet to exist. They have been designed, but are yet to be formed. And, I am waiting for one to be formed.

I think the world will be a happier place if Gabriels will start using their brains and Daniels start using their brawn -- physical and emotional! There will be fewer problems and even less stress!