Self-esteem -- The Safety Net That Catches You Before You Crash To Pieces!

I kept the best for the last which is simply this: If you have good self-esteem, it is unlikely that you will ever crash! I am no psychologist. Nor am I a trained medical practitioner to say this is so for sure! From my experiences, though -- and the experiences of others -- it appears that those with good self-esteem rarely fall apart.

When you don't have or have poor or low self-esteem, you are easily affected when things do not go as planned or expected and you tend to resort to compensatory behaviour to make up for the lack. So, you see people working hard for fear of failure. They strive for perfection for fear of criticism and rejection. They become image-conscious to impress in order to get respect and acceptance. They buy expensive things to show they have arrived. They wear gold to the hilt and baubles sparkle on their fingers, ears and neck to say they are not riff-raff! For the same reason, women bossess are fiercer than they need to be because they fear they won't be taken seriously!

Some swing to other extreme, and don't reveal the real person for the same fears. They are talented but behave like they are not. They are very smart but try to project an image of themselves as being average and dim-witted. Some of them are sufficiently financially secure, but go to great lengths to show they don't have the means. They are self-effacing essentially for the same reasons: fear of rejection, non-acceptance and a lack of respect if others knew the real person.

For me, all these are compensatory behaviour belying the root problem -- lack of self-esteem. Such people are overly concerned over how other people view them. But, people with self-esteem don't worry too much about how they are perceived. They are who they are and like themselves being so! They are not too bothered about external appearances and are able to take non-acceptance in their stride. They can take the crap life dishes out to them and still hold their own!

The reality of life is that we are going to be disappointed, rejected, abused, assaulted, tormented, bullied, deprived, suppressed, conned and dismissed. In short, we are going to get hurt! Those with self-respect know they are going to hurt others as much as others are going to hurt them! I mean, you are going to dump others just as you yourself will be dumped. That is a fact of life! What differs is the degree to which we would do it. If you have self-respect, you will treat others the same way you want them to treat you. You will actually be loving them as yourself!

The trick to keeping your head above waters despite life's battering is to deal with it in a way that you don't collapse. And, my belief is that the single most important thing about our emotional make-up that would keep us buoyant in the midst of swimming in waters too deep is self-esteem.

It is like a safety net that catches you before you hit concrete and break to pieces! People with low self-esteem engage in compensatory behaviour because it is a self-preservation defence mechanism. They build it up intuitively to protect themselves from attack -- because they can't take it. The flipside of it is that it stops them from seeing themselves as they really are and dealing with their shortcomings.

People with good self-esteem know their weaknesses -- and strengths -- and are not afraid to face the fact that they have hurt others. They see things as they are and are able to face the consequences of their actions. They face up to the truth - reality. If they have done wrong, they accept it, apologise, make amends and move on. They never dwell in the same emotional place for long. They treat others the same way they treat themselves, kindly!

You know, when I became a Christian, God did many things for me -- as He does for people all over the world. But, the one singular thing that Lord Jesus Christ did for me which solved the underlying problem and, as a result, all the attendant issues and symptoms associated with it, was this: He gave me self-esteem. It was not financial security, accomplishments and supportive relationships which helped me face up to the world. It was self-esteem. And, He did it overnight. Even after becoming a Christian, I had low self-esteem, not as a professional but as a woman and it affected the way I related with men.

I remember, a few years ago, when, in private prayer in my room, I affirmed who Jesus Christ is to me as He appeared to me many many years ago. At that time, during a migraine attack, I had cried out to God: "God, what did I do to deserve this?" As if in reply, Lord Jesus came down to my bedside and with outstretched arms said, calling me by name: "Gertrude, I am here for you!"

I never fully understood what that meant until a few years ago when I accepted what He said and came to terms with the fact that He is for me and it didn't matter if I didn't have a boyfriend or husband considering my broken record regarding men! Immediately, my self-esteem shot up! And, I didn't care what people thought of me. Now, I, sometimes, swing to the extreme and am totally insensitive to other people's opinion, but there are people close to me to correct me and put me back on track!

Soon after that, I began to realise that I was relating with people better -- with confidence and greater sensitivity. And the response from them got better and better. I am still learning but getting better as I go along. Now, when people treat me badly, I can take it where before I couldn't. Even better, I can hold my ground and seek an explanation or clarification to understand the situation better and give my point of view to improve communication. As a result, even difficult relationships have become manageable. And, since then, I have also never been depressed! Because the root cause -- lack of self-esteem -- was addressed.

I believe every educational effort, whether corporate, private, secular or spiritual, must aim at building an individual's self-esteem. Self-esteem is the only thing -- not money, not status, not achievements -- that will help people face the world we are living in. If you have self-esteem, you will find a way to get money, live as best as you can and be content within your constraints. If you don't get As, you won't crash! If you don't get too rich, you won't be unhappy! If you don't get what you want, although you tried, you won't be unfulfilled! If you don't have flashy cars, you won't doubt your social standing! You will make the best of what life offers and still be a full and fulfilled person!

Build self-esteem; it is learning to like yourself and doing to others what you would like them to do to you!