Love Always Thinks Of The Other

I am no expert in love, but I learnt some priceless lessons from my broken relationships that I would like to share here. The first is about what love is which I have yet to experience! In this series on love, let me start with this topic.

Like what an old priest once explained as love, love always has the best interests of the other person at heart. Unfortunately, that is something I never saw in any of my partners; maybe that's why I let go of them so easily. Men want me. They may even fight for me. And they may adequately provide for me. But, they do not love me -- not in that deep sense that I feel loved. Somehow, I always felt that at the back of their minds, what counted was their -- not my -- interests, and, as a result, I would be short-changed.

Men, I think, don't understand other-centred love. They may genuinely want to love but really don't know how. I suspect the reason is because they have no concept of other-centred love. They have not seen such love among their own parents or mentors. Frankly, I haven't seen it around me, either!

When men talk about love, at the back of their mind, it means what they can get out it! Sex, (most of the time!), someone to take care of them, a pretty face on their arm to boost their ego, someone who will help them make more money, etc, etc, etc. The other person's interests are often subsumed for their own interests. They, of course, will deny this. But, unless they truly love their women, men think of themselves when they love. As long as the woman's material needs are taken care of, that is loving for them.

The woman may be dieing inside -- emotionally, but the man is blind to that. He just is unable to deal with that, or -- more truthfully -- doesn't want to because he doesn't know how, or he is plain too busy to try.

Maybe, that's the reason why so many women are so unhappy in marriage. Their men don't think of their emotional needs. That is the single most integral part of their womanhood they sacrifice for the men they love. But very few men see that and even fewer see it as their failing. Those who do and embrace the deep emotional make-up of women end up being very good partners -- and lovers!

Men need to think of the emotional needs of their women and find ways to meet those needs. But, unless you know your woman, you won't be aware of her emotional needs. If you want to know the real woman, you need to grapple with her emotional self. You need to spend time with her, talk with her, encourage her to reveal the depths of her being.

There's no formula on how to think of the best interests of your women. Every woman is different, just like every man is different. The thing to do is to be attuned to her. To do that you need to spend time talking with her and allowing her to talk with you. And to listen to her when she gets emotional. She may be revealing something of her inner being that will tell you where she is at. You ignore it and you miss knowing her more deeply!

If you can embrace the emotional side of your woman, it would be easy to meet her needs. You don't have to cross oceans, climb mountains and dive into depths to meet her needs. You will just know her better by talking with her. And, in knowing her better, give her what she wants, what would fulfill and satisfy her -- not what you think would and should keep her satisfied!

But, to reach that state of other-centred love, you need to start by talking honestly with her!

Next: The three things that will move your relationship!