A Valentine for You, My Students -- When Love Comes Around

My friend, Kimmie, who visits this blog, asked me if I was going to write a Valentine's Day article. Well .... I thought, no. You see, I have not exactly been lucky in love. I get a great deal of unsolicited attention, most of it unwanted, but love? That has always eluded me! I figured if a man really loves me, he won't let me go. If he did, he is not worth holding on to. I let him go. (So, now you know why I am still single!)

Until recently. Then, I realised what I was missing. Now, I hope, again! And, I thought, maybe, I should write about love, after all! So, here's my piece. It is dedicated to all my students who endured through my classes!

Love is a wonderful thing, isn't it? But, you know, as we go chasing after it, we must make sure we don't equate it with sex or compatibility or companionship. The latter three are easy to get but to find love? That's a bit hard.

And, I have often wondered why? I think I have found the answer!

It all boils down to being unable to relate. When you can't relate, then, you can't communicate love. If you can't communicate love, you can't give it and someone or some people somewhere will go not having received it. Since they didn't receive it, they, themselves would be unable to give it, nor know how to receive it. And the cycle repeats.

Isn't that what happens when parents don't love their children? When brothers and sisters don't love each other. When husbands and wives don't love each other?

What happens? There is a lot of estrangement around. People can't relate and so don't connect. They become alone, isolated, dysfunctional beings deprived and starved of love, struggling and striving to give and receive love and somehow not getting it right.

What do you do when you are in that state? You have no choice but to seek alternatives. You can't connect, but in sex you find some semblance of a connection. You can't or don't want to connect emotionally, so you engage in casual sex. You think it is time to get married and haven't found a partner and you look for someone who is compatible, companiable and with whom you can have sex, and you settle down. Is there love in all of this? Yes, in some way. But, deep down you know it is not love as you really want it. But, you have made the choice.

Then, one day, you meet someone and love just happens and you realise what you have missed all along. But, it is too late because you are already committed to someone else. Or, because you didn't know how to relate and receive and give love, you didn't know how to handle love when it came to you. And, then, you have to consider separation and divorce. It is all very messy, isn't it? And, painful!

Wouldn't it be better to relate with the people around you as friends, and, when love happens you are free to enjoy it fully and freely? Even in such cases, sometimes, the relationships can't be because of specific irreconciliable differences, and both parties have to go their separate ways. It is sad but you have good memories of that person. You remember him or her with great fondness and will be thankful that there was no abuse of any sort. You leave the relationship enriched not deprived and better prepared for the real thing when it happens again and when it can be enjoyed.

On Valentine's Day today, that is what I want to wish for all of you whom I have taught. You are all at that age where you are discovering yourselves and others in terms of your feelings for them. I think it is a fantastic time to explore and discover. But, enjoy it through good friendships.

Don't look for sex, don't look for partners for the sake of having partners. Look for friends, good friends and relate with them with affection and respect. One day, you will find someone with whom love happens, and you will not regret!

For some, that day might come soon. For others, it might come later. And, for a few of you -- like me -- it may not come until after a very long time! But, don't despair. Live your life and build good abuse-free relationships because when love comes -- and, it will come when you are ready for it -- you will not regret! And, you will be thankful that you waited and didn't settle for second-best!

Happy Valentine's Day! Happy happy relating with one another!

Give me your comments! I would love to hear from you on this subject!